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Male Monologues

(Monologues for youth at the end)

Jaws (1975)

Quint: A Japanese submarine slammed two torpedoes into our side, chief. It was comin’ back, from the island of Tinian Delady, just delivered the bomb. The Hiroshima bomb. Eleven hundred men went into that water. Vessel went down in twelve minutes. Didn’t see the first shark for about a half an hour. Tiger. Thirteen footer. You know, you know what when you’re in the water, chief? You tell by lookin’ from the dorsal to the tail. Well, we didn’t know. ‘Cause our bomb mission had been so secret, no distress signal had been sent. They didn’t even list us overdue for a week. Very first light, chief. The sharks come cruisin’. So we formed ourselves into tight groups. You know it’s…kinda like ‘ol squares in a battle like a, you see on a calender, like the battle of Waterloo. And the idea was, the shark would go for the nearest man and then he’d start poundin’ and hollerin’ and screamin’ and sometimes the shark would go away. Sometimes he wouldn’t go away. Sometimes that shark, he looks right into you. Right into your eyes. You know that thing about a shark, he’s got…lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll’s eyes. When he comes at ya, doesn’t seem to be livin’. Until he bites ya and those black eyes roll over white. And then, ah then you hear that terrible high pitch screamin’ and the ocean turns red and spite of all the poundin’ and hollerin’ they all come in and rip ya to pieces.Y’know by the end of that first dawn, lost a hundred men! I donk’t know how many sharks, maybe a thousand! I don’t know how many men, they averaged six an hour. On Thursday mornin’ chief, I bumped into a friend of mine, Herbie Robinson of Cleveland. Baseball player. Bosom’s mate. I thought he was asleep, reached over to wake him up. Bobbed up and down in the water, just like a kinda top. Up ended. Well…he’d been bitten in half below the waist. Noon the fifth day, Mr. Hooper, a Lockheed Ventura saw us, he swung in low and saw us. He’d a young pilot, a lot younger than Mr. Hooper. Anyway, he saw us and come in low. And three hours later a big fat PBY comes down and start to pick us up. You know that was the time I was most frightened? Waitin’ for my turn. I’ll never put on a lifejacket again. So, eleven hundred men went in the water, three hundred and sixteen men come out, and the sharks took the rest. June the 29, 1945. Anyway, we delivered the bomb.


Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939)

Smith: I guess this is just another lost cause, Mr. Paine. All you people don’t know about lost causes. Mr. Paine does. He said once they were the only causes worth fighting for. And he fought for them once, for the only reason any man ever fights for them. Because of just one plain, simple rule: “Love thy neighbor. And in this world today full of hatred, a man who knows that one rule has a great trust. You know that rule, Mr. Paine. And I loved you for it — just as my father did. And you know that you fight for the lost causes harder than for any others. Yes, you even die for them — like a man we both knew, Mr. Paine. You think I’m licked. You all think I’m licked! Well, I’m not licked. And I’m going to stay right here and fight for this lost cause, even if this room gets filled with lies like these; and the Taylors and all their armies come marching into this place. Somebody will listen to me.


Saving Private Ryan (1998)

Captain Miller: Mike? What’s the pool on me up to right now? What’s it up to? What is it, three hundred dollars — is that it? Three hundred? I’m a school teacher. I teach English Composition in this little town called Adley, Pennsylvania. The last eleven years, I’ve been at Thomas Alva Edison High School. I was coach of the baseball team in the spring time. Back home when I tell people what I do for a living, they think, well, that, that figures. But over here it’s a big, a big mystery. So I guess I’ve changed some. Sometimes I wonder if I’ve changed so much my wife is even gonna recognize me whenever it is I get back to her — and how I’ll ever be able to tell her about days like today. Ryan — I don’t know anything about Ryan. I don’t care. Man means nothin’ to me. It’s just a name. But if — you know — if going to Remeal and finding him so he can go home, if that earns me the right to get back to my wife — well, then, then that’s my mission. You wanna leave? You wanna go off and fight the war? Alright. Alright, I won’t stop you. I’ll even put in the paperwork. I just know that every man I kill, the farther away from home I feel.


Good Will Hunting (1997)

Will: You’re a first year grad student. You just got finished readin’ some Marxian historian — Pete Garrison probably. You’re gonna be convinced of that ’til next month when you get to James Lemon, and then you’re gonna be talkin’ about how the economies of Virginia and Pennsylvania were entrepreneurial and capitalist way back in 1740. That’s gonna last until next year — you’re gonna be in here regurgitating Gordon Wood, talkin’ about, you know, the Pre-revolutionary utopia and the capital-forming effects of military mobilization.

Clark: Well, as a matter of fact, I won’t, because Wood drastically underestimates the impact of social –

Will: Wood drastically — Wood ‘drastically underestimates the impact of social distinctions predicated upon wealth, especially inherited wealth.’ You got that from Vickers, ‘Work in Essex County,’ page 98, right? Yeah, I read that too. Were you gonna plagiarize the whole thing for us? Do you have any thoughts of your own on this matter? Or do you…is that your thing? You come into a bar. You read some obscure passage and then pretend…you pawn it off as your own idea just to impress some girls and embarrass my friend? See the sad thing about a guy like you is in 50 years you’re gonna start doin’ some thinkin’ on your own and you’re gonna come up with the fact that there are two certainties in life. One: don’t do that. And two: You dropped a hundred and fifty grand on a f—-n’ education you coulda’ got for a dollar fifty in late charges at the public library.


Wall Street (1987)

Gordon Gekko: Public’s out there throwing darts at a board, sport – I don’t throw darts at a board. I bet on sure things. Read Sun-tsu, The Art of War. Every battle is won, before it is ever fought. Think about it. You’re not as smart as I thought you were buddy boy. Ever wonder why fund managers can’t beat the S&P 500? ‘Cause they’re sheep — and sheep get slaughtered. I’ve been in this business since ’69. Most of these Harvard MBA types – don’t add up to dog crap. Give me guys that are poor, smart and hungry. And no feelings. You win a few, you loose a few… but you keep on fighting . . . and if you need a friend, get a dog . . . it’s trench warfare out there Pal.


Gordon: Well, ladies and gentlemen, we’re not here to indulge in fantasy, but in political and economic reality. America, America has become a second-rate power. Its trade deficit and its fiscal deficit are at nightmare proportions. Now, in the days of the free market, when our country was a top industrial power, there was accountability to the stockholder. The Carnegies, the Mellons, the men that built this great industrial empire, made sure of it because it was their money at stake. Today, management has no stake in the company! The point is, ladies and gentleman, is that greed – for lack of a better word – is good. Greed is right. Greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Greed, in all of its forms – greed for life, for money, for love, knowledge – has marked the upward surge of mankind. And Greed – you mark my words – will not only save Teldar Paper but that other malfunctioning corporation called the USA.


Love Actually (2003)

Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion’s starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don’t see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it’s always there – fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge – they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that love actually is all around.


The Matrix Reloaded (2003)

Zion, hear me. It is true, what many of you have heard. The machines have gathered an army and as I speak, that army is drawing nearer to our home. Believe me when I say we have a difficult time ahead of us. But if we are to be prepared for it, we must first shed our fear of it. I stand here before you now truthfully unafraid. Why? Because I believe something you do not? No! I stand here without fear because I remember.

I remember that I am here not because of the path that lies before me but because of the path that lies behind me. I remember that for 100 years we have fought these machines. I remember that for 100 years they have sent their armies to destroy us. And after a century of war, I remember that which matters most: We are still here! Tonight, let us send a message to that army. Tonight, let us shake this cave. Tonight, let us tremble these halls of earth, steel, and stone. Let us be heard from red core to black sky. Tonight, let us make them remember: This is Zion and we are not afraid!


Beverly Hills Cop (1984) Axel Foley’s Method of Getting a Room Reservation in a Beverly Hills Hotel hot-shot Detroit detective-cop Axel Foley’s (Eddie Murphy) words to a reluctant reservation clerk at the Beverly Palm Hotel in California, where he had traveled (on vacation) to solve the criminal murder of his friend. In order to acquire a room and bypass the racist policy of the hotel, he raised his voice and claimed he was a Rolling Stone Magazine reporter there to interview Michael Jackson:

Do you have a reservation for an Axel Foley?…Ah, check Rolling Stone Magazine’s Axel Foley, that’s what it is…You guys probably just made some kind of mistake in reservations. What don’t you just give me another room and I’ll go up and go to sleep…Don’t you think I realize what’s going on here, miss? Who do you think I am, huh? Don’t you think I know that if I was some hotshot from out of town that pulled inside here and you guys made a reservation mistake, I’d be the first one to get a room and I’d be upstairs relaxing right now. But I’m not some hotshot from out of town, I’m a small reporter from Rolling Stone magazine that’s in town to do an exclusive interview with Michael Jackson that’s gonna be picked up by every major magazine in the country. I was gonna call the article ‘Michael Jackson Is Sitting On Top of the World,’ but now I think I might as well just call it ‘Michael Jackson Can Sit On Top of the World Just As Long As He Doesn’t Sit in the Beverly Palm Hotel.’

Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (1982) Eulogy for Mr. Spock – Admiral James T. Kirk’s (William Shatner) difficult eulogy for his best friend, Mr. Spock (Leonard Nimoy) who had sacrificed his life (by exposure to radiation) to save the doomed U.S.S. Enterprise from the Genesis Device explosion, although his death gave birth to a new planetoid around which his casket would orbit:

We are assembled here today to pay final respects to our honored dead. And yet it should be noted that in the midst of our sorrow, this death takes place in the shadow of new life, the sunrise of a new world; a world that our beloved comrade gave his life to protect and nourish. He did not feel this sacrifice a vain or empty one, and we will not debate his profound wisdom at these proceedings. Of my friend, I can only say this. Of all the souls I have encountered in my travels, his was the most… human. 

First Blood (1982) (aka Rambo: First Blood) Civilian Life is Nothing!” Ex-Green Beret Vietnam vet John Rambo’s (Sylvester Stallone) final impassioned, preachy speech to Green Beret Col. Samuel Trautman (Richard Crenna), his former commander, about his hostile, unjust reception as a returning Vietnam War Vet:

Nothing is over! Nothing! You just don’t turn it off! It wasn’t my war! You asked me, I didn’t ask you! And I did what I had to do to win! But somebody wouldn’t let us win! And I come back to the world and I see all those maggots at the airport, protestin’ me, spittin’. Calling me baby killer and all kinds of vile crap! Who are they to protest me, huh? Who are they? Unless they’ve been me and been there and know what the hell they’re yelling about!…For me, civilian life is nothing! In the field, we had a code of honor: You watch my back, I watch yours. Back here, there’s nothin’!…Back there, I could fly a gunship, I could drive a tank, I was in charge of million dollar equipment. Back here, I can’t even hold a job parking cars!

My Dinner With Andre (1981) “Now I’m 36, and All I Think About is Money” As struggling actor/playwright Wally (Wallace Shawn as Himself) walked down a NYC street, his voice-over described:

The life of a playwright is tough. It’s not easy as some people seem to think. You work hard writing plays and nobody puts them on. You take up other lines of work to try to make a living. I became an actor, and people don’t hire you. So you just spend your days doing the errands of your trade. Today I had to be up by ten in the morning to make some important phone calls. Then I’d gone to the stationery store to buy envelopes. Then to the xerox shop. There were dozens of things to do. By five o’clock, I’d finally made it to the post office and mailed off several copies of my plays, meanwhile checking constantly with my answering service to see if my agent had called with any acting work. In the morning, the mailbox had just been stuffed with bills! What was I supposed to do? How was I supposed to pay them? After all, I was already doing my best! I’ve lived in this city all my life. I grew up on the Upper East Side, and when I was 10 years old, I was rich! I was an aristocrat. Riding around in taxis, surrounded by comfort, and all I thought about was art and music. Now I’m 36, and all I think about is money! Then at the conclusion of the long dinner scene and its philosophical discussion at a five-star restaurant between Wally and stage director Andre (Andre Gregory as Himself), Wally rode home in a taxi, as the film ended: All the other customers seemed to have left hours ago. We got the bill, and André paid for our dinner! I treated myself to a taxi. I rode home through the city streets. There wasn’t a street, there wasn’t a building, that wasn’t connected to some memory in my mind. There, I was buying a suit with my father. There, I was having an ice cream soda after school. When I finally came in, Debbie was home from work, and I told her everything about my dinner with Andre.

Caddyshack (1980) “It’s In the Hole!” Cinderella Story – Lowly country club groundskeeper Carl Spackler (Bill Murray) pretending to be an announcer and player, imagining himself at Augusta in a championship Masters golf game, while practicing teeing off on rows of planted flowers:

What an incredible Cinderella story, this unknown comes outta nowhere to lead the pack, at Augusta. He’s on his final hole. He’s about 455 yards away. He’s gonna hit about a 2-iron, I think. Oh, he got all of that! The crowd is standing on its feet here at Augusta, the normally reserved Augusta crowd, going wild, for this young Cinderella. He’s come outta nowhere. He’s got about 350 yards left. He’s gonna hit about a 5-iron, I expect, don’t you think? He’s got a beautiful backswing — that’s — oh, he got all of that one! He’s gotta be pleased with that. The crowd is just on its feet here. He’s the Cinderella boy, uh — tears in his eyes I guess, as he lines up this last shot, he’s got about 195 yards left. And he’s got about a — it looks like he’s got about an 8-iron. This crowd has gone deathly silent, the Cinderella story, outta nowhere. A former greenskeeper and now, about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a mirac- it’s in the hole! It’s in the hole!

Rocky II (1979) “What I Got to Lose?” The hospital chapel scene of Mickey (Burgess Meredith), the cantankerous manager/trainer of Philadelphia bum/fighter Rocky Balboa (Sylvester Stallone), urging his disheartened boxer-friend to train and properly prepare for his championship bout rematch against Apollo Creed (Carl Weathers) on Thanksgiving 1976, although Rocky was distraught over his ailing wife Adrian (Talia Shire) and was unresponsive while she was suffering from a coma after hemorrhaging during the premature, one-month early birth of their first child, a baby son:

Well, Rocky, you got another shot. It’s a second shot at the, I don’t know, the biggest title in the world. And you’re gonna be swapping punches with the most dangerous fighter in the world. And just in case, you know, your brain ain’t workin’ so good, all this happens pretty soon and you ain’t ready. You’re nowhere near in any shape. So I say, you know, for God’s sake, why don’t you stand up and fight this guy hard like you done before? That was beautiful. But don’t lay down in front of him like this! Like, I don’t know, like some kind of mongrel or something. ‘Cause he’s gonna kick your face in pieces, you know that? That’s right. This guy just don’t wanna win, you know. He wants to bury you, he wants to humiliate you. He wants to prove to the whole world that you was nothing but some kind of a freak the first time out. And he said you’re a one-time lucky bum. Well, now, I don’t, I don’t wanna get mad, in a biblical place like this, but I think you’re a hell of a lot more than that, kid. A hell of a lot! No, wait a minute. If you wanna blow it, if you wanna blow this thing, dammit, I’m gonna blow it with you. If you want to stay here, I’ll stay with you. I’ll stay with you. Yeah. I’ll stay and pray. What I got to lose?

The Jerk (1979) “That’s All I Need” – The dim-witted, long drawn-out bumbling of the ‘jerk’ Navin R. Johnson (Steve Martin) about keeping some trivial possessions in his “That’s All I Need” speech to Marie Kimble Johnson (Bernadette Peters):

Well, I’m gonna go then. And I don’t need any of this! I don’t need this stuff, and I don’t need you. I don’t need anything – except this (referring to an ashtray), this ashtray, and that’s the only thing I need, is this. I don’t need this or this. Just this ashtray. And this paddle game, the ashtray and the paddle game and that’s all I need. And this remote control. The ashtray, the paddle game and the remote control, and that’s all I need. And these matches. The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control and the paddle ball. And this lamp. The ashtray, this paddle game and the remote control and the lamp and that’s all I need. And that’s all I need, too. I don’t need one other thing, not one – I need this! The paddle game, and the chair, and the remote control, and the matches, for sure.

Well, what are you looking at? What do you think I am, some kind of a jerk or something? And this! And that’s all I need. The ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game, this magazine and the chair…I don’t need one other thing, except my dog (the dog growled at him) I don’t need my dog.

Apocalypse Now (1979) “I Love The Smell of Napalm in the Morning” – Lt. Col. Kilgore (Robert Duvall) mused as he gave a beachside monologue during a Vietnamese War raid about the thrill of senseless murder, while shirtless and kneeling on the besieged beachfront:

You smell that? Do you smell that? … Napalm, son. Nothing else in the world smells like that. I love the smell of napalm in the morning. You know, one time we had a hill bombed for twelve hours. When it was all over, I walked up. We didn’t find one of ’em, not one stinkin’ dink body. But the smell – you know, that gasoline smell. The whole hill smelled like victory. (A bomb exploded behind him.) Someday this war’s gonna end.


Halloween (1978) A Chilling Description of the Evil Michael Myers Sam Loomis (Donald Pleasence) presented a chilling description of the unredeemable, unreachable, and evil mental patient, Michael Myers:

I met him fifteen years ago. I was told there was nothing left. No reason, no, uh, conscience, no understanding and even the most rudimentary sense of life or death, of good or evil, right or wrong. I met this six year-old child with this bland, pale, emotionless face, and the blackest eyes – the Devil’s eyes. I spent eight years trying to reach him and then another seven trying to keep him locked up because I realized that what was living behind that boy’s eyes was purely and simply evil…


Network (1976) “I’m As Mad As Hell and I’m Not Gonna Take This Anymore!” – TV announcer Howard Beale’s (Peter Finch) “mad as hell” speech to his viewers:

I don’t have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It’s a depression. Everybody’s out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel’s worth. Banks are going bust. Shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter. Punks are running wild in the street and there’s nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do, and there’s no end to it. We know the air is unfit to breathe and our food is unfit to eat, and we sit watching our TVs while some local newscaster tells us that today we had fifteen homicides and sixty-three violent crimes, as if that’s the way it’s supposed to be.

We know things are bad – worse than bad. They’re crazy. It’s like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don’t go out anymore. We sit in the house, and slowly the world we are living in is getting smaller, and all we say is: ‘Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel-belted radials and I won’t say anything. Just leave us alone.’

Well, I’m not gonna leave you alone. I want you to get MAD! I don’t want you to protest. I don’t want you to riot – I don’t want you to write to your congressman, because I wouldn’t know what to tell you to write. I don’t know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crime in the street. All I know is that first you’ve got to get mad. (shouting) You’ve got to say: ‘I’m a human being, god-dammit! My life has value!’

So, I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window. Open it, and stick your head out, and yell: ‘I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not gonna take this anymore!’

I want you to get up right now. Sit up. Go to your windows. Open them and stick your head out and yell – ‘I’m as mad as hell and I’m not gonna take this anymore!’ Things have got to change. But first, you’ve gotta get mad!…You’ve got to say, ‘I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not gonna take this anymore!’ Then we’ll figure out what to do about the depression and the inflation and the oil crisis. But first, get up out of your chairs, open the window, stick your head out, and yell, and say it: ‘I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not gonna take this anymore!’


Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971) “You Lose! Good day, Sir!” Speech – Willy Wonka’s (Gene Wilder) harsh dismissal of Grandpa Joe (Jack Albertson) and Charlie Bucket (Peter Ostrum) when they asked about his lifetime’s supply of chocolate prize, and he angrily told them their contest contract was voided by their careless actions and violation of the fine print and the rules:

Wrong, sir! Wrong! Under section 37-B of the contract signed by him, it states quite clearly that all offers shall become null and void if – and you can read it for yourself in this photostatic copy – ‘I, the undersigned, shall forfeit all rights, privileges, and licenses herein and herein contained’, et cetera, et cetera…’Fax mentis incendium gloria cultum’, et cetera, et cetera…’Memo bis punitor delicatum!” It’s all there! Black and white! Clear as crystal! You stole Fizzy-Lifting drinks! You bumped into the ceiling which now has to be washed and sterilized. So you get NOTHING! You lose! Good day, sir!

(Grandpa Joe: “You’re a crook! You’re a cheat and a swindler, that’s what you are. How can you do a thing like this?! Build up a little boy’s hopes and then smash all his dreams to pieces? You’re an inhuman monster!”)

Sir, I said, ‘Good day!’

When Charlie gave Wonka the candy he was instructed to steal by competitor Slugworth (Günter Meisner) (Slugworth was revealed to be Mr. Wilkinson, a Wonka employee who was used to test Charlie’s honesty), Wonka reversed his decision, calling Charlie

“My boy,You won! You did it! You did it!” the “grand and glorious jackpot” — the chocolate factory and the entire business.

But Willy further cautioned the boy, with the film’s last line:

But Charlie, don’t forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he always wanted… He lived happily ever after.


2001: A Space Odyssey (1968, UK) HAL’s Slow Death Malevolent super-computer HAL’s (voice of Douglas Rains) slow death, ending with the singing of Daisy. The sequence began as angered astronaut Dave Bowman (Keir Dullea) – with the sounds of his heavy breathing inside his helmet – strode towards the computer’s reddish-toned “brain room” to remove parts of the computer’s memory bank and shut the computer down. HAL began to plead for him to reconsider, and asked him to calm down and reassess the situation:

Just what do you think you’re doing, Dave? Dave, I really think I’m entitled to an answer to that question. I know everything hasn’t been quite right with me…but I can assure you now…very confidently…that it’s going to be all right again. I feel much better now. I really do.

Look, Dave, I can see you’re really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over. I know I’ve made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal. I’ve still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission and I want to help you.

As Dave started to de-brain, lobotomize, dismantle and disconnect HAL’s higher-logic functions, HAL continued to plead and protest with Bowman – in a programmed voice – as his ‘mind’ gradually decayed and he became imbecilic and returned to infancy. HAL’s poignant death was agonizingly slow and piteous, and although the computer maintained a calm tone – it still expressed a full range of genuine emotions while dying. His voice eventually slowed and sounded drugged:

Dave…stop. Stop, will you? Stop, Dave. Will you stop, Dave? Stop, Dave. I’m afraid. I’m afraid, Dave…….Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going. There is no question about it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I’m a…fraid……

When HAL’s brain reached senility, and then a second childhood, he called up his earliest encoded data-memories as physical parts of his mind were pulled away:

Good afternoon, gentlemen. I am a HAL 9000 computer. I became operational at the H.A.L. plant in Urbana, Illinois on the 12th of January 1992. My instructor was Mr. Langley, and he taught me to sing a song. If you’d like to hear it I can sing it for you…It’s called Daisy.

HAL then sang his swan song, one of the first songs he learned – Daisy, or A Bicycle Built For Two – until the words entirely degenerated with his voice rumbling lower and lower into distortion. He slid into his innate tabula rasa state – and then there was utter silence:

Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do. I’m half crazy all for the love of you. It won’t be a stylish marriage, I can’t afford a carriage. But you’ll look sweet upon the seat of a bicycle built for two.


Cool Hand Luke (1967) Talking to God – “I Guess I Gotta Find My Own Way” Again a fugitive, Luke (Paul Newman) sat on one of the plain wooden pews in an abandoned country church. He delivered a rambling monologue and repeatedly talked to God and asked for guidance and an answer, occasionally looking up toward the empty rafters – his entreaties were met with silence:

Anybody here? Hey, Ol’ Man, You home tonight? Can You spare a minute? It’s about time we had a little talk. I know I’m a pretty evil fella. Killed people in the war and I got drunk and chewed up municipal property and the like. I know I got no call to ask for much, but even so, You’ve gotta admit, You ain’t dealt me no cards in a long time. It’s beginnin’ to look like You got things fixed so I can’t never win out. Inside, outside, all of ’em rules and regulations and bosses. You made me like I am. Now just where am I supposed to fit in?

Ol’ Man, I gotta tell Ya. I started out pretty strong and fast. But it’s beginnin’ to get to me. When does it end? What do Ya got in mind for me? What do I do now? All right. All right. (He knelt on his knees and cupped his hands in prayer) On my knees, askin’. (pause) Yeah, that’s what I thought. I guess I’m pretty tough to deal with, huh? A hard case. I guess I gotta find my own way.


Cool Hand Luke (1967) The Rules of the House New chain-gang prisoners were given the ‘rules’ of the house by no-nonsense floorwalker Carr (Clifton James):

Them clothes got laundry numbers on ’em. You remember your number and always wear the ones that has your number. Any man forgets his number spends a night in the box. These here spoons, you keep with ya. Any man loses his spoon spends a night in the box. There’s no playin’ grab-ass or fightin’ in the buildin’. You got a grudge against another man, you fight him Saturday afternoon. Any man playin’ grab-ass or fightin’ in the buildin’ spends a night in the box. First bell is at five minutes of eight, when you will get in your bunk. Last bell is at eight. Any man not in his bunk at eight spends a night in the box. There’s no smokin’ in the prone position in bed. To smoke, you must have both legs over the side of your bunk. Any man caught smokin’ in the prone position in bed spends a night in the box.

You get two sheets every Saturday. You put the clean sheet on the top and the top sheet on the bottom and the bottom sheet you turn into the laundry boy. Any man turns in the wrong sheet spends a night in the box. No one’ll sit in the bunks with dirty pants on. Any man with dirty pants on sittin’ on the bunks spends a night in the box. Any man don’t bring back his empty pop bottle spends a night in the box. Any man loud-talkin’ spends a night in the box. You got questions, you come to me. I’m Carr, the floor-walker. I’m responsible for order in here. Any man don’t keep order spends a night in the box. (To new prisoner Luke) I hope you ain’t gonna be a hard case.


Guys and Dolls (1955) Sky Masterson (Marlon Brando) to fellow gambler Nathan Detroit (Frank Sinatra), who attempted to wager a bet to win $1,000:

On the day when I left home to make my way in the world, my Daddy took me to one side. ‘Son,’ my Daddy says to me, ‘I am sorry I am not able to bankroll you to a very large start, but not having the necessary lettuce to get you rolling, instead I’m going to stake you to some very valuable advice.

One of these days in your travels, a guy is going to show you a brand-new deck of cards on which the seal is not yet broken. Then this guy is going to offer to bet you that he can make the jack of spades jump out of this brand-new deck of cards and squirt cider in your ear. But, son, you do not accept this bet, because as sure as you stand there, you’re going to wind up with an ear full of cider.’


From Here to Eternity (1953) Decision to Put Aside Boxing -Private Robert “Prew” Prewitt (Montgomery Clift) explained his decision to never box again:

Some of the guys are puttin’ me over the jumps ’cause I don’t want to fight…yeah, on the boxing team. I don’t want to box. I don’t even want to think about it…see, I used to fight, middleweight. And I was pretty good and they know it…I used to work out with this guy Dixie Wells. He’s a real good friend of mine. Loved to box. People on the outside had their eye on him. He was gonna come out of the Army and go right up to the top. Well, one afternoon, he and I were sparrin’ around in the gym, you know, kind of friendly-like. And, he must have been set pretty flat on his feet ’cause I caught him with a, no more’n ordinary right cross, and uh, he didn’t get up. He didn’t move. He was in a coma for a week, and uh, finally, he did pull out of it. Only the thing was that he was blind. Well, I went to see him at the hospital a couple of times and finally I just couldn’t go back. The last time he and I started talking about fighting, and uh, he started to cry. And seein’ tears comin’ out of those eyes that couldn’t see anything.


It’s a Wonderful Life (1946) Words to Cruel Mr. Potter at the Loan Board In Defense of Deceased Father

Representing Bedford Falls’ Bailey Savings and Loan, George Bailey (James Stewart) defended his dead father’s name (called “a starry-eyed dreamer”) to the tyrannical, miserly and cruel Mr. Potter (Lionel Barrymore) in an address before the Loan Board:

…Just a minute – just, just a minute. Now, hold on, Mr. Potter. Just a minute. Now, you’re right when you say my father was no business man. I know that. Why he ever started this cheap, penny-ante Building and Loan, I’ll never know. But, neither you nor anybody else can say anything against his character, because his whole life was… Why, in the twenty-five years since he and Uncle Billy started this thing, he never once thought of himself. Isn’t that right, Uncle Billy? He didn’t save enough money to send Harry to school, let alone me. But he did help a few people get out of your slums, Mr. Potter. And what’s wrong with that? Why — here, you’re all businessmen here. Don’t it make them better citizens? Doesn’t it make them better customers? You, you said that they – What’d you say just a minute ago? They had to wait and save their money before they even thought of a decent home. Wait? Wait for what?! Until their children grow up and leave them? Until they’re so old and broken-down that… You know how long it takes a workin’ man to save five thousand dollars?

Just remember this, Mr. Potter, that this rabble you’re talking about, they do most of the working and paying and living and dying in this community. Well, is it too much to have them work and pay and live and die in a couple of decent rooms and a bath? Anyway, my father didn’t think so. People were human beings to him, but to you, a warped, frustrated old man, they’re cattle. Well, in my book he died a much richer man than you’ll ever be… I know very well what you’re talking about. You’re talking about something you can’t get your fingers on, and it’s galling you. That’s what you’re talking about, I know. Well, I’ve – I’ve said too much. I — you’re the Board here. You do what you want with this thing. There’s just one thing more, though. This town needs this measly one-horse institution if only to have some place where people can come without crawling to Potter.


The Pride of the Yankees (1942) Lou Gehrig’s “Luckiest Man” Farewell Address to Baseball

Dying ball player Lou Gehrig (Gary Cooper) delivered a farewell speech in the New York Yankees baseball stadium to 62,000 fans:

I have been walking on ballfields for 16 years, and I’ve never received anything but kindness and encouragement from you fans. I have had the great honor to have played with these great veteran ballplayers on my left – Murderers Row, our championship team of 1927. I have had the further honor of living with and playing with these men on my right – the Bronx Bombers, the Yankees of today. I have been given fame and undeserved praise by the boys up there behind the wire in the press box – my friends, the sports writers. I have worked under the two greatest managers of all time, Miller Huggins and Joe McCarthy. I have a mother and father who fought to give me health and a solid background in my youth. I have a wife, a companion for life, who has shown me more courage than I ever knew. People all say that I’ve had a bad break. But today – today I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth. (Applause)


The Maltese Falcon (1941) “When A Man’s Partner Is Killed, He’s Supposed to Do Something About It”

Private detective Sam Spade (Humphrey Bogart) dealt with deceitful, ruthless, and amoral Brigid O’Shaughnessy (Mary Astor), and was planning to turn her into police for the murder of his partner Miles Archer (Jerome Cowan) – “Don’t be silly. You’re taking the fall…I won’t play the sap for you…You killed Miles and you’re going over for it”:

When a man’s partner’s killed, he’s supposed to do something about it. It doesn’t make any difference what you thought of him. He was your partner, and you’re supposed to do something about it, and it happens we’re in the detective business. Well, when one of your organization gets killed, it’s – it’s bad business to let the killer get away with it, bad all around, bad for every detective everywhere.

The manipulative Brigid attempted to save herself: “You don’t expect me to think that these things you’re saying are sufficient reasons for sending me to the…,” but Spade interrupted:

Wait’ll I’m through. Then you can talk. I’ve no earthly reason to think I can trust you. And if I do this and get away with it, you’ll have something on me that you can use whenever you want to. Since I’ve got something on you, I couldn’t be sure that you wouldn’t put a hole in me some day. All those are on one side. Maybe some of them are unimportant. I won’t argue about that. But look at the number of them. And what have we got on the other side? All we’ve got is that maybe you love me and maybe I love you.


Citizen Kane (1941) Speech to Executives on the Inquirer’s Success

Charles Foster Kane (Orson Welles) gave a speech to his newspaper’s executives:


Six years ago, I looked at a picture of the world’s greatest newspaper men. I felt like a kid in front of a candy store. Well, tonight, six years later, I got my candy — all of it. Welcome, gentlemen, to the Inquirer! Make up an extra copy of that picture and send it to the Chronicle, will you please? It’ll make you all happy to learn that our circulation this morning was the greatest in New York, 684,000.

(Mr. Bernstein: “Six hundred and eighty-four thousand one hundred and thirty-two!”)

Right! Having thus welcomed you, I hope you’ll forgive my rudeness in taking leave of you. I’m going abroad next week for a vacation. I’ve promised my doctor for some time now that I’d leave when I could, and I now realize that I can’t.

(Mr. Bernstein: “Say, Mr. Kane, as long as you’re promising, there’s a lot of pictures and statues in Europe you haven’t bought yet.”)

You can’t blame me, Mr. Bernstein. They’ve been making statues for two thousand years, and I’ve only been buying for five.

(Mr. Bernstein: “Promise me, Mr. Kane.”)

I promise you, Mr. Bernstein.

(Mr. Bernstein: “Thank you.”)

Mr. Bernstein?…You don’t expect me to keep any of those promises, do you?


The Grapes of Wrath (1940) “I’ll Be There”

Tom Joad (Henry Fonda) said farewell to his mother Ma Joad (Jane Darwell):

Well, maybe it’s like Casy says. A fella ain’t got a soul of his own – just a little piece of a big soul. The one big soul that belongs to everybody…Then it don’t matter. I’ll be all around in the dark. I’ll be everywhere – wherever you can look. Wherever there’s a fight so hungry people can eat, I’ll be there. Wherever there’s a cop beatin’ up a guy, I’ll be there. I’ll be in the way guys yell when they’re mad. I’ll be in the way kids laugh when they’re hungry and they know supper’s ready. And when the people are eatin’ the stuff they raise, and livin’ in the houses they build, I’ll be there, too.


The Wizard of Oz (1939) Presentation of Gifts by the Wizard

The Wizard’s (Frank Morgan) presentation of gifts to the three companions of Dorothy:

To the Scarecrow, a Brain:

Why, anybody can have a brain. That’s a very mediocre commodity. Every pusillanimous creature that crawls on the Earth or slinks through slimy seas has a brain. Back where I come from, we have universities, seats of great learning, where men go to become great thinkers. And when they come out, they think deep thoughts and with no more brains than you have! But they have one thing you haven’t got – a diploma. Therefore, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Universitatus Committeatum E Pluribus Unum, I hereby confer upon you the honorary degree of Th. D…that’s Doctor of Thinkology.

To the Cowardly Lion, Courage

As for you, my fine friend, you’re a victim of disorganized thinking. You are under the unfortunate delusion that simply because you run away from danger, you have no courage. You’re confusing courage with wisdom. Back where I come from, we have men who are called heroes. Once a year, they take their fortitude out of moth balls and parade it down the main street of the city and they have no more courage than you have. But they have one thing that you haven’t got – a medal. Therefore, for meritorious conduct, extraordinary valor, conspicuous bravery against Wicked Witches, I award you the Triple Cross. You are now a member of the Legion of Courage.

To the Tin Woodsman, a Heart:

…Back where I come from, there are men who do nothing all day but good deeds. They are called phila-, er, er, philanth-er, yes, er, good-deed doers, and their hearts are no bigger than yours. But they have one thing you haven’t got – a testimonial. Therefore, in consideration of your kindness, I take pleasure at this time in presenting you with a small token of our esteem and affection. And remember, my sentimental friend, that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others.


Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939)

Idealistic Senator Jefferson Smith (James Stewart) began his lengthy filibuster speech, including home-spun insight on democratic ideals after reading from the Declaration of Independence (partially to stall for time):

It’s a funny thing about men, you know. They all start life being boys. I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if some of these Senators were boys once. And that’s why it seemed like a pretty good idea to me to get boys out of crowded cities and stuffy basements for a couple of months out of the year and build their bodies and minds for a man-sized job, because those boys are gonna be behind these desks some of these days. And it seemed like a pretty good idea, getting boys from all over the country, boys of all nationalities and ways of living — getting them together. Let them find out what makes different people tick the way they do. Because I wouldn’t give you two cents for all your fancy rules if, behind them, they didn’t have a little bit of plain, ordinary, everyday kindness and a little lookin’ out for the other fella, too. (Applause)

That’s pretty important, all that. It’s just the blood and bone and sinew of this democracy that some great men handed down to the human race, that’s all! But of course, if you’ve got to build a dam where that boys’ camp oughta be, to get some graft to pay off some political army or something, well that’s a different thing. Aw no! If you think I’m going back there and tell those boys in my state and say: ‘Look, now fellas, forget about it. Forget all this stuff I’ve been tellin’ you about this land you live in — it’s a lot of hooey. This isn’t your country. It belongs to a lot of James Taylors.’ Aw no! Not me! And anybody here that thinks I’m gonna do that, they’ve got another thing comin’.


Gone With the Wind (1939) “I Love You – Because We’re Alike…Kiss Me Once”

After fleeing a burned down Atlanta, Rhett Butler (Clark Gable) proposed that he would desert Scarlett (Vivien Leigh) and leave her abandoned in the open country at the road which turned toward Tara. He appeared amused when suggesting that he would leave her and enlist in the beaten and broken Confederate Army. Scarlett didn’t take him seriously, thinking only of her own predicament. Rhett knew her nature: “Selfish to the end, aren’t you? Thinking only of your own precious hide with never a thought for the noble Cause…” He insisted that as a southerner, he had a weakness for lost causes: “I’ve always had a weakness for lost causes once they’re really lost.” In total disbelief, she didn’t think that he could leave her in a helpless state: “You should die of shame to leave me here alone and helpless,” but he laughed: “You helpless? Heaven help the Yankees if they capture you.”

With his arms around her, long-time suitor Rhett wanted to give her a proper goodbye. She begged that he stay: “Oh Rhett, please don’t go. You can’t leave me, please! I’ll never forgive you.” Re-enacting the scene of a sweetheart kissing a soldier goodbye as he returned to the war, he realistically proposed that if she yielded to his love, he’d stay with her – but she returned his vow of love with a violent slap:

I’m not asking you to forgive me. I’ll never understand or forgive myself. And if a bullet gets me, so help me, I’ll laugh at myself for being an idiot. There’s one thing I do know, and that is that I love you, Scarlett. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. Because we’re alike – bad lots both of us, selfish and shrewd, but able to look things in the eyes and call them by their right names…

Scarlett, look at me. I’ve loved you more than I’ve ever loved any woman. I’ve waited longer for you than I’ve ever waited for any woman….Here’s a soldier of the South who loves you, Scarlett, wants to feel your arms around him, wants to carry the memory of your kisses into battle with him. Never mind about loving me. You’re a woman sending a soldier to his death with a beautiful memory. Scarlett, kiss me. Kiss me, once.


Freaks (1932) Carnival Barker’s Introduction of a Real Freak – The Opening and Closing Scenes

A carnival barker (Murray Kinnell) opened the film with an enticement to customers, and his explanation of the sideshow freaks’ code of honor:

We didn’t lie to ya, folks. We told you we had living, breathing monstrosities. You laughed at them, shuddered at them and yet, but for the accident of birth, you might be even as they are. They did not ask to be brought into the world, but into the world they came. Their code is a law unto themselves. Offend one – and you offend them all.

Then, he led the patrons to an enclosure and introduced an off-screen creature, causing a woman to scream at the sight of the hideous human monstrosity – but the sight of the creature was postponed until the film’s conclusion:

And now, folks, if you’ll just step this way. You are about to witness the most amazing, the most astounding living monstrosity of all time. (woman’s scream) Friends – she was once a beautiful woman. A royal prince shot himself for love of her. She was known as the Peacock of the Air.

He concluded his speech at the end of the film – when the “Peacock of the Air” was finally seen:

How she got that way will never be known. Some say a jealous lover, others that it was the code of the freaks, others the storm. Believe it or not, there she is…!

The tall and sexy Cleopatra had been transformed into a legless, feathered chicken with a scarred and bruised face, drooping mouth, and a squawking mouth. She had been punished for her greed, cruelty and duplicity toward the freaks.


Animal Crackers (1930) “How I Shot An Elephant in My Pajamas”

Before an audience, returning Captain Jeffrey T. Spaulding (Groucho Marx), a noted African jungle explorer, recounted a hilarious account of his adventurous African safari:

Friends, I’m gonna tell you of the great, mysterious, wonderful continent known as Africa. Africa is God’s country, and He can have it. Well, sir, we left New York drunk and early on the morning of February 2nd. After fifteen days on the water and six on the boat, we finally arrived on the shores of Africa. We at once proceeded three hundred miles into the heart of the jungle, where I shot a polar bear. This bear was six foot seven in his stocking feet and had shoes on….

Oh you did! Well, this bear was anemic and he couldn’t stand the cold climate. He was a rich bear and he could afford to go away for the winter. You take care of your animals and I’ll take care of mine! Frozen North, my eye! From the day of our arrival, we led an active life. The first morning saw us up at six, breakfasted, and back in bed at seven – this was our routine for the first three months. We finally got so we were back in bed at six thirty. One morning, I was sitting in front of the cabin, smoking some meat…Yes. There wasn’t a cigar store in the neighborhood. As I say, I was sitting in front of the cabin when I bagged six tigers…Six of the biggest tigers…I bagged them. I…I bagged them to go away, but they hung around all afternoon. They were the most persistent tigers I’ve ever seen.

The principal animals inhabiting the African jungle are moose, elks and Knights of Pythias. Of course, you all know what a moose is. That’s big game. The first day, I shot two bucks. That was the biggest game we had. As I say, you all know what a moose is? A moose runs around on the floor, and eats cheese, and is chased by the cats. The elks, on the other hand live up in the hills, and in the spring they come down for their annual convention. It is very interesting to watch them come to the water hole. And you should see them run when they find it is only a water hole. What they’re looking for is an ‘elk-a-hole’.

One morning, I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don’t know. Then we tried to remove the tusks. The tusks. That’s not so easy to say, tusks. You try that some time…As I say, we tried to remove the tusks, but they were embedded in so firmly that we couldn’t bust them. Of course, in Alabama, the Tusk-a-loosa. But, uh, that’s entirely ir-elephant to what I was talking about. We took some pictures of the native girls, but they weren’t developed. But we’re going back again in a couple of weeks.


Fraiser from the TV series

Dr. Frasier Crane: I know how bleak these times can be, but believe me, they will come to an end sometime or later. I remember a time back in Boston, I was going through exactly what you’re going through now. Just a week later I met a lovely barmaid, sophisticated if a bit loquacious. We fell madly in love and we got engaged… ‘course, she left me standing at the altar. The point is, I didn’t give up. I took my poor battered heart and handed it to Lilith. …Then in her little Cuisinart, she hit the purée button. I rebounded, and look how far I’ve got! I’m divorced, lonely, living with my father.


Frasier – from the TV series

Dr. Frasier Crane: What? Do you want to know what’s bothering me too? Well, here’s a start, I’m talking to a dog, that bothers me. I’m another year older today, I suppose that bothers me, but not as much as people seem to think. I’m still single, that’s a big one. Not having a woman to share my life with. The only women in my life are friends; Roz and Daphne. Daphne’s not even here anymore, she’ll be married soon. That’s going to be tough on Dad. Who am I kidding? It’s going to be tough on me. It’s been nice having her here. Even when my love life hasn’t been going so well, I can always come home to a warm and considerate woman. You know, that’s probably why I’ve been so brusque with her lately. I know that once she’s gone, I’ll probably be twice as lonely. …Well, it’s quite a realization isn’t it? (Eddie buries his head under a pillow) You know, there are subtler ways to let the patient know his hour is up.


Scrubs – from the TV series created by Bill Lawrence

J.D.: Shut up, shut up, shut up and shut up, okay? Who are you people to give me advice about anything? All you do is bitch about your relationships all day long. (to Dr. Cox) And you know what glare all you want Big Dog, okay, because I’m not afraid of you. “Oh no, Jordan’s only paying attention to the baby.” That must be so hard for Dr. Look-At-Me, isn’t it? LOOK-AT-MEEEE. (to Carla and Turk) And you two, you’re arguing ever since you got engaged, wow you’re probably the first couple that’s ever done that EVER. It can’t be that you’re just scared is it? (to Elliot) And you, you know what, let’s just forget for one second that a month ago you told me you couldn’t be in a relationship with anyone, because for me, it’s actually fun to watch you sabotage a relationship from the outside, it really is. Honestly, the only thing that gives me comfort you guys is while I’m sitting at home staring at the ceiling just wishing that I had someone to talk to, is knowing that none of you idiots realize how lucky you are. (JD storms out)


Scrubs – from the TV show created by Bill Lawrence

Dr. Cox (John C. McGinley): Relationships don’t work the way they do on television and in the movies: Will they, won’t they, and then they finally do and they’re happy forever — gimme a break. Nine out of ten of them end because they weren’t right for each other to begin with, and half the ones that get married get divorced, anyway. And I’m telling you right now, through all this stuff, I have not become a cynic, I haven’t. Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate-covered candies and, you know, in some cultures, a chicken. You can call me a sucker, I don’t care, ’cause I do…believe in it. Bottom line…is the couples that are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but, the big difference is, they don’t let it take ’em down.


A Few Good Men – from the original play by Aaron Sorkin

Kaffe: Submit for Defense Exhibit “B”. It’s the tower cheif’s Log book for Andrews Air Force Base for the Evening of July seventh. It seems that at 9:26 p.m., 21:26, an AF-40 transport landed at Andrews with ninety-four empty seats having taken off at two minutes past 6:00 p.m. It’s departure point? … Colonel? … Naval Air Station, NAVBASE, Guatanamo Bay, Cuba. (Pause. Crosses to Jesep) You that Kendrick ordered the Code Red on Santiago. Because that’s what you told Kendrick yo do. And Kendrick follows orders. Or people die, isn’t that right, Colonel? You ordered the Code Red and, when it went bad, you cut these guys loose. You had Markinson sign a Phony Transfer order so it’d look like you tried to move Santiago, you forged the log book so it’d look like the oh-two-hundred was the first flight out and you told the doctor to say it was posion so it wouldn’t look like a Code Red. You trashed the law. But we understand. You’re permitted. You have a greater responsibility than we can possibly fathom. You provide us with a blanket of Freedom. We live in a world with walls and those walls have to be gaurded by men with guns and nothing’s gonna stand in your way of doing it. Not Willy Santiago, not Dawson and Downey, not a thousand armies, not the Uniform Code Of Military Justice and not the Constitution of the United States. That’s the truth, isn’t it Colonel? I can handle it.


A Few Good Men – written by Aaron Sorkin

Jessep: You want answers?
Kaffee (Tom Cruise): I think I’m entitled to them.
Jessep: You want answers?
Kaffee: I want the truth!
Jessep: You can’t handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has walls. And those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who’s gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Weinberg? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago and you curse the Marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Santiago’s death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives…You don’t want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want me on that wall. You need me on that wall.
We use words like honor, code, loyalty…we use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending something. You use ’em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it! I’d rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand a post. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you’re entitled to!
Kaffee: Did you order the code red?
Jessep: (quietly) I did the job you sent me to do.
Kaffee: Did you order the code red?
Jessep: You’re goddamn right I did!!


The Curious Case of Benjamin Button – written by Eric Roth

Benjamin Button: Sometimes we’re on a collision course, and we just don’t know it. Whether it’s by accident or by design, there’s not a thing we can do about it. A woman in Paris was on her way to go shopping, but she had forgotten her coat, went back to get it. When she had gotten her coat, the phone had rung, so she’d stopped to answer it, talked for a couple of minutes. While the woman was on the phone, Daisy was rehearsing for a performance at the Paris Opera House. And while she was rehearsing, the woman, off the phone now, had gone outside to get a taxi. Now, a taxi driver had dropped off a fare earlier and had stopped to get a cup of coffee. And all the while, Daisy was rehearsing. And this cab driver, who dropped off the earlier fare, who’d stopped to get the cup of coffee, had picked up the lady who was going to shopping, and had missed getting an earlier cab. The taxi had to stop for a man crossing the street, who had left for work five minutes later than he normally did, because he forgot to set off his alarm. While that man, late for work, was crossing the street, Daisy had finished rehearsing, and was taking a shower. And while Daisy was showering, the taxi was waiting outside a boutique for the woman to pick up a package, which hadn’t been wrapped yet, because the girl who was supposed to wrap it had broken up with her boyfriend the night before, and forgot. When the package was wrapped, the woman, who was back in the cab, was blocked by a delivery truck; all the while Daisy was getting dressed. The delivery truck pulled away and the taxi was able to move, while Daisy, the last to be dressed, waited for one of her friends, who had broken a shoelace. While the taxi was stopped, waiting for a traffic light, Daisy and her friend came out the back of the theater. And if only one thing had happened differently, if that shoelace hadn’t broken, or that delivery truck had moved moments earlier, or that package had been wrapped and ready, because the girl hadn’t broken up with her boyfriend, or that man had set his alarm and got up five minutes earlier, or that taxi driver hadn’t stopped for a cup of coffee, or that woman had remembered her coat, and got into an earlier cab, Daisy and her friend would’ve crossed the street, and the taxi would’ve driven by; but life being what it is – a series of intersecting lives and incidents, out of anyone’s control – that taxi did not go by, and that driver was momentarily distracted, and that taxi hit Daisy, and her leg was crushed.


We Were Soldiers – written by Randall Wallace

Lt. Col. Hal Moore: Look around you. In the 7th Cavalry, we got a captain from the Ukraine, another from Puerto Rico. We got Japanese, Chinese, blacks, Hispanics, Cherokee Indians, Jews and Gentiles–all American. Now here in the States, some men in this unit may experience discrimination because of race or creed, but for you and me now, all that is gone. We’re moving into the valley of the shadow of death, where you will watch the back of the man next to you, as he will watch yours, and you won’t care what color he is or by what name he calls God. Let us understand the situation. We’re going into battle against a tough and determined enemy. I can’t promise you that I will bring you all home alive, but this I swear, before you and before almighty God: that when we go into battle, I will be the first one to set foot on the field, and I will be the last to step off. And I will leave no one behind. Dead or alive, we will all come home together. So help me God.


Brian’s Song – written by William Blinn, from the book by Gale Sayers & Al Silverman

Gale Sayers: I’d like to say a few words about a guy I know, a friend of mine. His name is Brian Piccolo, and he has the heart of a giant and that rare form of courage which allows him to kid himself and his opponent — cancer. He has a mental attitude which makes me proud to have a friend who spells out “courage,” 24 hours a day, every day of his life. Now, you flatter me by giving me this award. But I say to you here and now, Brian Piccolo is the man of courage who should receive the George S. Halas Award. It’s mine tonight and Brian Piccolo’s tomorrow. I love Brian Piccolo. And I’d like all of you to love him too. And tonight, you hit your knees: please ask God to love him.


Bull Durham written by Ron Shelton

Crash Davis: Yeah, I was in the Show. I was in the Show for twenty-one days, once. Twenty-one greatest days of my life. You know you never handle your luggage in the Show — somebody else carries your bags. It’s great. You hit white balls for batting practice. Ballparks are like cathedrals. The hotels all have room service, the women have long legs and brains…the pitchers, they throw ungodly breaking stuff in the Show. Exploding sliders. You could be one of those guys. Nuke could be one of those guys (looks at Nuke LaLoosh) but you don’t give a damn.


Aladdin – written by Roger Allers, Ron Clements, Ted Elliott, John Musker, & Terry Rossio

Genie: Aaaaahhhhh! OY! Ten-thousand years will give ya such a crick in the neck! Whoa! Does it feel good to be outta there! (pretends to have a microphone) Nice to be back, ladies and gentlemen. (to Aladdin) Hi, where ya from? What’s your name? Aladdin! Hello, Aladdin. Nice to have you on the show. Can we call you ‘Al?’ Or maybe just ‘Din?’ Or howbout ‘Laddi?’ (suddenly is wearing a kilt) Sounds like “Here, boy! C’mon, Laddi!” Do you smoke? Mind if I do? Oh, sorry Cheetah, hope I didn’t singe the fur! Hey, Rugman! Haven’t seen you in a few millennia! Slap me some tassel! Yo! Yeah! (high-fives carpet) Say, you’re a lot smaller than my last master. Either that or I’m gettin’ bigger. Look at me from the side, do I look different to you? That’s right, you’re my master! He can be taught!! What would you wish of me, (as Arnold Schwarzenegger) the ever impressive, (inside a cube) the long contained, (as a ventriloquist with a dummy) often imitated, but never duplicated….he multiplies into about 7 different Genies)…duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated…. Genie! Of! The Lamp! (as Ed Sullivan) Right here direct from the lamp, right here for your enjoyment wish fulfillment. Thank youuuuu! (back) You get three wishes to be exact. And ix-nay on the wishing for more wishes. That’s it, three. Uno, dos, tres. No substitutions, exchanges or refunds. Master, I don’t think you quite realize what you’ve got here! So why don’t you just ruminate, while I illuminate the possibilities!


Amadeus – written by Peter Shaffer

Salieri: Extraordinary! On the page it looked nothing. The beginning simple, almost comic. Just a pulse – bassoons and basset horns – like a rusty squeezebox. Then suddenly – high above it – an oboe, a single note, hanging there unwavering, till a clarinet took over and sweetened it into a phrase of such delight! This was no composition by a performing monkey! This was a music I’d never heard. Filled with such longing, such unfulfillable longing, it had me trembling. It seemed to me that I was hearing the voice of God.


Adventures of Robin Hood – written by Norman Reilly Raine & Seton I. Miller

Robin Hood: I’ve called you here as freeborn Englishmen, loyal to our king. While he reigned over us, we lived in peace. But since Prince John has seized the regency, Guy of Gisbourne and the rest of his traitors have murdered and pillaged. You’ve all suffered from their cruelty – the ear loppings, the beatings, the blindings with hot irons, the burning of our farms and homes, the mistreatment of our women. It’s time to put an end to this! (cheers from the assembled company) Now, this forest is wide. It can shelter and clothe and feed a band of good, determined men – good swordsmen, good archers, good fighters. Men, if you’re willing to fight for our people, I want you! Are you with me? (an unanimous yes then the swearing in of the rebels:) That you, the freemen of this forest, swear to despoil the rich only to give to the poor, to shelter the old and the helpless, to protect all women rich or poor, Norman or Saxon. Swear to fight for a free England. To protect her loyally until the return of our King and sovereign Richard the Lion Heart. And swear to fight to the death against our oppressors!


Apollo 13 – written by William Broyles Jr. & Al Reinert, from the book by Jim Lovell & Jeffrey Kluger

Television Reporter: And I asked him recently if he ever was scared.
Jim: Oh, well, I’ve had an engine flame out a few times in an aircraft…and was kind of curious as to whether it was goin’ to light up again–things of that nature–but, uh, they seem to work out.
Television Reporter: Is there a specific instance in an airplane emergency when you can recall fear?
Jim: Uh, well, I tell ya, I remember this one time–I’m in a Banshee at night in combat conditions, so there’s no running lights on the carrier. It was the Shangri-La, and we were in the Sea of Japan, and my, my radar had jammed, and my homing signal was gone…because somebody in Japan was actually using the same frequency. And so it was — it was leading me away from where I was supposed to be. And I’m lookin’ down at a big, black ocean, so, I flip on my map light, and then suddenly: zap. Everything shorts out right there in my cockpit. All my instruments are gone. My lights are gone. And I can’t even tell now what my altitude is. I know I’m running out of fuel, so I’m thinking about ditching in the ocean. And I, I look down there, and then, in, in the darkness, there’s this, uh, there’s this green trail. It’s like a long carpet that’s just laid out right beneath me. And it was the algae, right? It was that phosphorescent stuff that gets churned up in the wake of a big ship. And it was, it was, it was just leading me home. You know? If my cockpit lights hadn’t shorted out, there’s no way I’d have ever been able to see that. So, uh, you never know…what…what events are going to transpire to get you home.


Apocalypse Now – written Francis Ford Coppola & John Milius, book by Joseph Conrad

Kurtz: I’ve seen the horror. Horrors that you’ve seen. But you have no right to call me a murderer. You have no right to call me a murderer. You have a right to kill me. You have a right to do that, but you have no right to judge me . It’s impossible for words to describe what is necessary to those who do not know what horror means. Horror. Horror has a face, and you must make a friend of horror. Horror and mortal terror are your friends. If they are not, then they are enemies t o be feared. They are truly enemies.
I remember when I was with Special Forces–it seems a thousand centuries ago–we went into a camp to inoculate it. The children. We left the camp after we had inoculated the children for polio, and this old man came running after us, and he was crying. He couldn’t see. We went there, and they had come and hacked off every inoculated arm. There they were in a pile–a pile of little arms. And I remember…I…I…I cried, I wept like some grandmother. I wanted to tear my teeth out, I didn’t know what I wanted to do. And I want to remember it, I never want to forget. And then I realized–like I was shot…like I was shot with a diamond…a diamond bullet right through my forehead. And I thought, “My God, the genius of that, the genius, the will to do that.” Perfect, genuine, complete, crystalline, pure. And then I realized they could stand that–these were not monsters, these were men, trained cadres, these men who fought with their hearts, who have families, who have children, who are filled wi th love–that they had this strength, the strength to do that. If I had ten divisions of those men, then our troubles here would be over very quickly. You have to have men who are moral and at the same time were able to utilize their primordial i nstincts to kill without feeling, without passion, without judgment–without judgment. Because it’s judgment that defeats us.
I worry that my son might not understand what I’ve tried to be, and if I were to be killed, Willard, I would want someone to go to my home and tell my son everything. Everything I did, everything you saw, because there’s nothing that I detest more than the stench of lies. And if you understand me, Willard, you…you will do this for me.


A Beautiful Mind – written by Akiva Goldsman, from the book by Sylvia Nasar

Nash: Thank you. I’ve always believed in numbers; and the equations and logics that lead to reason. But after a lifetime of such pursuits, I ask, “What truly is logic? Who decides reason?” My quest has taken me through the physical, the metaphysical, the delusional — and back. And I have made the most important discovery of my career, the most important discovery of my life: It is only in the mysterious equations of love that any logic or reasons can be found. I’m only here tonight because of you. (his wife, Alicia) You are the reason I am. You are all my reasons.


Ben-Hur – written by Karl Tunberg, from the novel by General Lew Wallace

Messala: What do you think you see? The smashed body of a wretched animal! Is enough of a man still left here for you to hate? Let me help you……You think they’re dead. Your mother and sister. Dead. And the race over. It isn’t over Judah. They’re not dead. Look for them in the Valley of the Lepers, if you can recognize them. It goes on. It goes on Judah. The race, the race is not over.


Black Hawk Down – written by Ken Nolan, from the book by Mark Bowden

Eversman: I was talking to Blackburn the other day…and he asked me, you know, what changed? Why are we going home? And I said, “Nothing.” That’s not true, you know. I think everything’s changed. I know I’ve changed. You know, a friend of mine asked me, before I got here, just right when we were all shipping out, he asked me, “Why are you going to fight somebody else’s war? What, do you all think you’re heroes?” I didn’t know what to say at the time, but…if he asked me again, I’d say no. I’d say there’s no way in hell. Because nobody asks to be a hero…it just sometimes turns out that way. (he solemnly places his hand on Smith’s chest) I’m gonna talk to your ma and pa when I get home, okay?


Ali by Gregory Allen Howard, Stephen J. Rivele, Christopher Wilkinson, Eric Roth, & Michael Mann

(in an interview about a possible title fight with Joe Frazier.)
Muhammad Ali: But if I ever was to get in the ring with Joe, here’s what you might see. Ali comes out to meet Frazier, but Frazier starts to retreat. If Joe back up an inch farther, he’ll wind up in a ringside seat. Ali swings with his left. Ali swings with his right. Just look at the kid carry the fight. Frazier keeps backin’, but there’s not enough room. It’s only a matter of time before Ali lowers the boom. Ali swings with his right. What a beautiful swing. But the punch lifts Frazier clean out of the ring. Frazier still rising, and the referee wears a frown ’cause he can’t start countin’ till Frazier comes down. Frazier’s disappeared from view. The crowd is getting frantic. But our radar stations done picked him up. He’s somewheres over the Atlantic. Now, who would’ve thought, when they came to the fight, they was gonna witness the launching of a black satellite? But don’t wait for that fight. It ain’t never gonna happen. The onliest thing you can do is wonder and imagine.


Muhammad Ali: I ain’t draft dodging. I ain’t burning no flag. I ain’t running to Canada. I’m staying right here. You want to send me to jail? Fine, you go right ahead. I’ve been in jail for 400 years. I could be there for 4 or 5 more, but I ain’t going no 10,000 miles to help murder and kill other poor people. If I want to die, I’ll die right here, right now, fightin’ you, if I want to die. You my enemy, not no Chinese, no Vietcong, no Japanese. You my opposer when I want freedom. You my opposer when I want justice. You my opposer when I want equality. Want me to go somewhere and fight for you? You won’t even stand up for me right here in America, for my rights and my religious beliefs. You won’t even stand up for my right here at home.


Armageddon written by Jonathan Hensleigh & J.J. Abrams

President: I address you tonight, not as the President of the United States, not as the leader of the country, but as a citizen of humanity. We are faced with the very gravest of challenges. The bible calls this day ‘Armageddon’. The end of all things. And yet, for the first time in the history of the planet, the species has the technology to prevent its own extinction. All of you praying with us need to know that everything that can be done to prevent this disaster is being called into service. The human thirst for excellence, knowledge, every step of the ladder of science, every… adventurous reach into space, all of our combined modern technologies and imaginations, even the wars that we have fought have provided us the tools to wage the terrible battle. Through all the chaos that is our history books, through all of the wrongs… and the discord, through all of the pain and suffering, through all of our times… there is one thing that has nourished our souls and elevated our species above its origin. And that is our courage. Tonight the hopes and dreams of an entire planet are focused on the fourteen brave souls traveling into the heavens. May we all see the events through with the dignity and perseverance worthy of such a challenge. Good night and Godspeed.

Avalon written by Barry Levinson

Sam: I came to America in 1914–by way of Philadelphia. That’s where I got off the boat. And then I came to Baltimore. It was the most beautiful place you ever seen in your life. There were lights everywhere! What lights they had! It was a celebration of lights! I thought they were for me, Sam, who was in America. Sam was in America! I know what holiday it was, but there were lights. And I walked under them. The sky exploded, people cheered, there were fireworks! What welcome it was, what a welcome!
I didn’t know where my brothers were. I had an address on a letter, but when I went thre, they’d moved. But I found a man who knew the name Krichinsky. He was a little man with big shoes. I’ll never forget him! He had such big shoes! They were brand new beautiful shoes! He told me this was how he made his living! He would break in shoes for the wealthy. Stuff them with newspaper and walk in them. I said, ‘what a country is this, what a country.’ Wealthy didn’t even have to break in their own shoes. Ahh. So this man with the shoes took me down one street after another. We walked and walked and the skies would light up and explode in a celebration!
And then we came to Avalon. And the man with the shoes yelled ‘Krichinsky! Krichinsky!’ And my four brothers looked down and saw me! Sam! (The flashback ends here and we find ourself looking at a much older Sam, the storyteller, sitting in a chair, smoking a cigar)
And that’s when I came to America, it was the Fourth of July. Boy, did they use to celebrate! Big celebrations! And they’d close the streets and would celebrate through the night! (hums to the children he’s telling the story to, chuckling to himself)


Back to the Future written by Robert Zemeckis & Bob Gale

Doc Brown: Let me show you how it works. First, you turn the time circuits on. This readout tells you where you’re going, this one tells you where you are, this one tells you where you were. You input the destination time on this keypad. Say, you wanna see the signing of the declaration of independence, or witness the birth or Christ. Here’s a red-letter date in the history of science, November 5, 1955. Yes, of course, November 5, 1955…That was the day I invented time travel. I remember it vividly. I was standing on the edge of my toilet hanging a clock, the porcelain was wet, I slipped, hit my head on the edge of the sink. And when I came to I had a revelation, a VISION, a picture in my head, a picture of this. This is what makes time travel possible. The flux capacitor…It’s taken me almost thirty years and my entire family fortune to realize the vision of that day, my god has it been that long. Things have certainly changed around here. I remember when this was all farmland as far as the eye could see. Old man Peabody, owned all of this. He had this crazy idea about breeding pine trees. (gets weird faraway look in his eyes and shakes it away)


The Big Kahuna written by Roger Rueff

Phil: He’s honest Bob; he’s blunt as well. That sometimes is part of being honest, because there are a lot of people who are blunt. But not honest. Larry is not one of those. Larry is an honest man. You too are an honest man, Bob. I believe that, that somewhere down deep inside you is something that strives to be honest. The question you have to ask yourself is, has it touched the whole of my life? That means that you preaching Jesus is no different than Larry or anybody else preaching lubricants. It doesn’t matter whether you’re selling Jesus or buddah or civil rights or how to make money in real estate with no money down. That doesn’t make you a human being. It makes you a marketing rep. If you want to talk to someone honestly, as a human being… ask him about his kids. Find out what his dreams are. Just to find out. For no other reason. Because as soon as you lay your hands on a conversation to steer it. It’s not a conversation anymore. It’s a pitch, and you’re not a human being, you’re a marketing rep. We were talking before about character. You were asking me about character. And we were speaking of faces. But the question is much deeper than that. The question is, do you have any character at all? And if you want my honest opinion Bob, you do not. For the simple reason that you don’t regret anything yet. You’ve already done plenty of things to regret. You just don’t know what they are. It’s when you discover them. When you see the folly in something you’ve done. And you wish you had it to do over. But you know you can’t because it’s too late. So you pick that thing up and you carry it with you. To remind you that life goes on. The world will spin without you. You really don’t matter in the end. Then you will attain character because honesty will reach out from inside and tattoo itself all across your face. Until that day however, you cannot expect to go beyond a certain point.


The Big Lebowski written by Ethan & Joel Coen

Walter: Donny was a good bowler, and a good man. He was…he was one of us. He was a man who loved the outdoors, and bowling, and as a surfer he explored the beaches of southern California from La Holla to Leo Carillo, and up to Pismo. He died.. he died as so many young men of his generation before his time, and in your wisdom, Lord, you took him. Just as you took so many bright, flowering young men at Khe San, and Lan Doc, and Hill 364. These young men gave their lives, and so did Donny. Donny who loved bowling. And so, Theodore Donald Karabotsos.. in accordance with what we think your dying wishes might well have been….we commit your final mortal remains to the bosom of the Pacific Ocean, which you loved so well. Goodnight, sweet prince. (Walter dumps the ashes out of the coffee can. The wind blows them all onto The Dude.)


Blues Brothers 2000 written by Dan Aykroyd & John Landis

Elwood Blues: You may go if you wish, but remember this: walk away now and you walk away from your crafts, your skills, your vocations, leaving the next generation with nothing but recycled digitally sampled techno-grooves, quasi-synth rhythms, pseudo songs of violence laden gangsta’ rap, acid pop and simpering, ciphering, soulless slush. Depart now and you forever separate yourselves from the vital American legacies of Robert Johnson, Muddy Waters, Willie Dickson, Jimmy Reede, Memphis Slim, Blind Boy Fuller, Louie Jordan, Little Walter, Big Walter, Sunny Boy Williamson I and II, Otis Redding, Jackie Wilson, Elvis Presley, Leiber and Stoller, and Robert K. Weiss….Turn your backs now and you snuff out the fragile candles of Blues, R&B and Soul. And when those flames flicker and expire, the light of the world is extinguished because the music which has moved mankind for seven decades leading to the millennium will wither and die on the vine of abandonment and neglect.


Breakfast at Tiffany’s written by George Axelrod, novel by Truman Capote

Paul Varjak: You know what’s wrong with you, Miss Whoever-you-are? You’re chicken, you’ve got no guts. You’re afraid to stick out your chin and say, “Okay, life’s a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to eachother, because that’s the only chance anybody’s got for real happiness.” You call yourself a free spirit, a “wild thing,” and you’re terrified somebody’s gonna stick you in a cage. Well baby, you’re already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it’s not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somali-land. It’s wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself.


Caddyshack written by Brian Doyle-Murray, Douglas Kenney, & Harold Ramis

Carl: So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I’m a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald… striking. So, I’m on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one—big hitter, the Lama—long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga… gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he’s gonna stiff me. And I say, “Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.” And he says, “Oh, uh, there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consiousness.” So I got that goin’ for me, which is nice.


Carlito’s Way written by David Koepp, from the novels by Edwin Torres

Carlito: Sorry boys, all the stitches in the world can’t sew me together again. Lay down… lay down. Gonna stretch me out in Fernandez funeral home on hun and ninth street. Always knew I’d make a stop there, but a lot later than a whole gang of people thought. Last of the Mo-Ricans, well maybe not the last. Gail’s gonna be a good mom. New improved Carlito Brigante. Hope she uses the money to get out. No room in this city for big hearts like us… Sorry baby, I tried the best I could. Honest. Can’t come with me on this trip loaf. Getting the shakes now, Last call for drinks, Bars closing down… Sun’s out… Where are we going for breakfast, don’t wanna go far.. Rough night.. Tired baby… Tired…


National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation written by John Hughes

Clark Griswold: Where do you think you’re going? Nobody’s leaving. Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no! We’re all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here! We’re gonna press on, and we’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny stinking Kaye! And when Santa squeezes his fat white butt down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of folks this side of the nuthouse!

Clark Griswold: Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I’d like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, hopeless, heartless, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of garbage he is! Hallelujah!



Youth Monologues for Screen


On the Waterfront (1954)

Charley Malloy: Look, kid, I – how much you weigh, son? When you weighed one hundred and sixty-eight pounds you were beautiful. You coulda been another Billy Conn, and that skunk we got you for a manager, he brought you along too fast.

Terry Malloy: It wasn’t him, Charley, it was you. Remember that night in the Garden you came down to my dressing room and you said, “Kid, this ain’t your night. We’re going for the price on Wilson.” You remember that? “This ain’t your night”! My night! I coulda taken Wilson apart! So what happens? He gets the title shot outdoors on the ballpark and what do I get? A one-way ticket to Palooka-ville! You was my brother, Charley, you shoulda looked out for me a little bit. You shoulda taken care of me just a little bit so I wouldn’t have to take them dives for the short-end money.

Charley Malloy: Oh I had some bets down for you. You saw some money.

Terry Malloy: You don’t understand. I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am, let’s face it. It was you, Charley.


Boy Meets World – from the TV series from Michael Jacobs Productions(His guardian John is in a coma)
Shawn Hunter: John, how could you be in here? How could you screw up on your bike? I have never seen you screw up on anything. I’m the screw-up, remember? C’mon you remember…Don’t do this to me, John. I don’t do alone real good… I know you’re in there but it’s like you’re not really here. You’re not talking but I know you’re here. So I’m just gonna talk, you can listen. (pause) John, even when I was at the Centre, it was all the things you taught me that made me wonder if it was the right place for me or not. But you didn’t teach me enough. You, and Cory, and my parents, and the Matthews and the handful of people who really care about me, so don’t blow me off, John! (looks up) Don’t blow me off, God! I never asked you for anything before and I never wanted to come to you like this, but don’t take Turner away from me; he’s not yelling at me yet. God, you’re not talking but I know you’re here, so I’m gonna talk, and you can listen.[pause]God, I don’t wanna be empty inside anymore.


Footloose (1984) “This is Our Time To Dance” Leading a rebellion of teens against the town’s fathers, Chicago-born rocker/dancer Ren McCormack (Kevin Bacon) addressed the ultra-conservative City Council in the small town of Bomont, reading several passages from the Bible scriptures, to justify and defend the right of the teens in the small town to dance to rock music (during their upcoming prom):

From the oldest of times, people danced for a number of reasons. They danced in prayer or so that their crops would be plentiful, or so their hunt would be good. And they danced to stay physically fit and show their community spirit. And they danced to celebrate. And that, that is the dancing that we’re talking about. Aren’t we told in Psalm 149: ‘Praise ye the Lord. Sing unto the Lord a new song. Let them praise His name in the dance’?…It was King David –

King David, who we read about in Samuel – and, and what did David do? What did David do? What did David do? (laughter) ‘David danced before the Lord with all his might, leaping, leaping and dancing before the Lord.’ (He pounded on the table) Leaping and dancing! Ecclesiastes assures us that there is a time to every purpose under heaven. A time to laugh and a time to weep. A time to mourn and there is a time to dance. And there was a time for this law, but not anymore. See, this is our time to dance. It is our way of, of celebrating life. It’s the way it was in the beginning. It’s the way it’s always been. It’s the way it should be now.


The Goonies (1985) True Childhood Confession – The confession by fat kid Lawrence ‘Chunk’ Cohen (Jeff Cohen) when interrogated by the Fratellis and he spilled his guts:

OK! I’ll talk! In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max’s toupee and I glued it on my face when I played Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog… When my Mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch, I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out. But the worst thing I ever done – I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa – and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And t-t-then, this was horrible, all the people started gettin’ sick and throwin’ up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.


Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986) How to Fake Out Parents and Avoid School – After the credits, during which smug and confident bed-ridden Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick) told his parents that his stomach hurt and he was seeing spots, and his hands were clammy, he then directed instructions to the camera about how to successfully avoid school:

They bought it. Incredible! One of the worst performances of my career and they never doubted it for a second. How could I possibly be expected to handle school on a day like this? This is my ninth sick day this semester. It’s getting pretty tough coming up with new illnesses. If I go for ten, I’m probably gonna have to barf up a lung, so I’d better make this one count. The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It’s a good non-specific symptom. I’m a big believer in it. A lot of people will tell you that a good phony fever is a dead lock, but, uh, you get a nervous mother, you could wind up in a doctor’s office. That’s worse than school. You fake a stomach cramp, and when you’re bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. It’s a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.

Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it. I do have a test today, that wasn’t bull-s–t. It’s on European socialism. I mean really, what’s the point. I’m not European. I don’t plan on being European, so who gives a crap if they’re socialists. They could be fascist anarchists and it still wouldn’t change the fact that I don’t own a car. (Singing in shower) It’s not that I condone fascism or any ‘ism’ for that matter. Ism’s, in my opinion, are not good. A person should not believe in an ‘ism,’ he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon: ‘I don’t believe in Beatles. I just believe in me.’ A good point there. After all, he was the walrus. I could be the walrus. I’d still have to bum rides off of people.


Daybreak (TV)

Why didn’t you fight for me to stay with you? Did you not want to be with me? Am I not worth being with? Don’t worry, I know why you’re not answering. It’s not because you don’t love me. It’s because I wasn’t here. This never happened. I didn’t come on this hunting trip. I stayed in LA. And you went alone. Forty four years of tradition. And I broke it…to hurt you. And then you died. Uh… I understand why I’m here now. I get why I pushed Angelica, and Wesley, and Sam away. So I wouldn’t hurt them. And so they wouldn’t hurt me. The same way that you hurt me.

I just… I don’t get why you didn’t want me to be with you. You know? Maybe you didn’t like being a dad. Maybe you know you were dying. Maybe you just didn’t want me to see you get sick. I guess… kids never really get to know their parents. You should know that you did a good job. Yeah, I can fish, and hunt, and rig solar panels, and purify water from my own urine. Which is grosser than it sounds. I survived because of you. I love you.

Misfits (TV)

Nathan is standing on the rooftop, gun in hand. It’s raining.

She’s got you thinking this is how you’re supposed to be, well it’s not! We’re young! We’re supposed to drink too much! We’re supposed to have bad attitudes and shag each other’s brains out. We are designed to party! THIS IS IT! Yeah, so a few of us will overdose or go mental. But Charles Darwin said you can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs. And that’s what it’s all about. Breaking eggs! And by eggs I do mean getting smashed on a cocktail of drugs. If you could see yourselves! It breaks my heart – you’re wearing cardigans! We had it all! We screwed up bigger and better than any generation that came before us! WE WERE SO BEAUTIFUL! We’re screw ups. I’m a screw up. And I’m glad to be a screw-up until my late twenties, maybe even my early thirties. And I will shag my own mother before I let her, or anyone else take that away from me!

Man in Motion (by Jan Mark)

Fourteen year old Lloyd has recently moved with his mother and sister to the city. 

Yes. I have got something on my mind…. There’s this boy I know, Keith Mainwaring; I met him down at American football practice, and we got friendly. I mean, we were friends right off, and his dad gives me a lift home afterwards. He’s really friendly … but he says things, they both do…. Racist things. All the time, like without thinking. Every time they see somebody Asian, they say something … and I don’t say anything. I don’t know what to say. I keep thinking they don’t really mean it, especially Keith, because he’s nice, really, I mean, otherwise he’s nice. He rings up and asks how I am, and paid for my lunch and that. I really like him, except for what he says…. That’s why I’ve stopped going to practices; to avoid him. I don’t think he really means it, I think it’s just because of what his dad says. Like my friend Vlad – from school, like he said; if you’re sexist it’s because you’ve been brought up to think like that, you never get the chance to work it out. And I don’t think Keith knows any Asians. He lives up at the Highbridge end…. It’s funny … ODD … calling somebody a racist. It doesn’t sound real. We have this lesson at school, Social Awareness Studies, only we call it Isms. Because that’s what it is, all the time; sexism, racism, feminism. And last week we had this discussion on racism, somebody brought in a cutting from a newspaper, and everyone said how awful it was, only we’ve got these two girls in our class, Farida and Farzana, and nobody thought about them. They just sat there, and nobody took any notice or asked them what they thought, I mean, they never say much anyway, but that wasn’t the point. Racism’s just something half of us argue about while the other half do our homework. It’s just a word. It doesn’t mean anything, because it doesn’t happen to us…. I think most of us are against it…. It’s the first time I’ve had to do anything about it. Where we lived before, everyone was white anyway. If I’d met Keith there I’d never have known what he thought because he’d never have said anything. Racism was just something on the news….But it’s not for me. Not any more.

Massive High

COMEDIC It is the day before Cody and his best friend start high school. Suddenly, his friend becomes quite worried. Here, Cody attempts to psych him up and rid him of his fears.

Nervous? Don’t be nervous. What’s there to be nervous about? We’ve been waiting to start high school for like ever. It’s gonna be so awesome! Just think how many mega-babes are gonna be walking through those halls and in our classes! And we’ll finally have bigger lockers, and a decent gym and multiple floors! Just like a mall! And tons of people to meet, parties to get invited to, real football games, new teachers who don’t hate us yet! New faces everywhere you look! It’s huge! I mean, we probably won’t even see each other (Realizing as he speaks.) the whole…day… long. (Beat.) You’re still gonna eat lunch with me, right?

The Adventures Of Huckleberry Finn

Well, I got a good going-over in the morning from old Miss Watson on account of my clothes; but the widow she didn’t scold, but only cleaned off the grease and clay, and looked so sorry that I thought I would behave awhile if I could. Then Miss Watson she took me in the closet and prayed, but nothing come of it. She told me to pray every day, and whatever I asked for I would get it. But it warn’t so. I tried it. Once I got a fish-line, but no hooks. It warn’t any good to me without hooks. I tried for the hooks three or four times, but somehow I couldn’t make it work. By and by, one day, I asked Miss Watson to try for me, but she said I was a fool. She never told me why, and I couldn’t make it out no way.

I set down one time back in the woods, and had a long think about it. I says to myself, if a body can get anything they pray for, why don’t Deacon Winn get back the money he lost on pork? Why can’t the widow get back her silver snuffbox that was stole? Why can’t Miss Watson fat up? No, says I to my self, there ain’t nothing in it. I went and told the widow about it, and she said the thing a body could get by praying for it was “spiritual gifts.” This was too many for me, but she told me what she meant—I must help other people, and do everything I could for other people, and look out for them all the time, and never think about myself. This was including Miss Watson, as I took it. I went out in the woods and turned it over in my mind a long time, but I couldn’t see no advantage about it—except for the other people; so at last I reckoned I wouldn’t worry about it any more, but just let it go.

Anthony (by Donald Margulies)

They called the cops. You should have been there. Flashing lights and everything. And the honking, and all the bright headlights, and the kids and everybody in the street: “Jump! Jump!” Everybody was out of their house. There was a big crowd. My father, he let me get up on his shoulders so I saw everything great. I was the highest kid there and I could see everything. I saw the hair of every- body in the crowd. And my little brother, Edward, he cried because he wanted to see, too, but my father wouldn’t let him, he only let me. Because I’m older, and also because when he saw what was really going on, he said to my mother, “Irene, take Eddie upstairs, go on.” Harlene’s mother was on the roof and she was screaming. She took her shirt off so all you saw was her white skin and black bra. She was screaming and she was crying but she was too far up to hear and everybody was talking so loud until she screamed, “Tommy!” Everybody got quiet. “Tommy! Tommy!!” She was screaming. Tommy’s the super. Then Tommy got up there on the roof and you could see him by his T-shirt sometimes because it looked white. He was talking but you couldn’t hear him. She yelled and called him bad names. He said something else, also, you couldn’t hear what. She like walked to the edge of the roof, you could see her standing there. She yelled, “I’m gonna jump, don’t go near me!” Everybody got real quiet listening. Then, her shirt fell off the roof. Everybody went: “Oh,” all at the same time and some of the older kids climbed the fence and took it out of the tree like they were at a ball game. Harlene’s mother looked down at us and everybody looked up and it got quiet again and Billy laughed. And then you saw it: a cop came out of the dark on the roof and grabbed Harlene’s mother and pulled her back in- to the dark and you couldn’t see her anymore. Some of the older kids went: “Boo!” and some of the grown-ups got angry and some of them clapped. Everybody started to go home. My father bent down to get me off his shoulders. He told me I was breaking his back.

Fences (by August Wilson)

I live here too! I ain’t scared of you. I was walking by you to go into the house cause you sitting on the steps drunk, singing to yourself. I ain’t got to say excuse me to you. You don’t count around here any more. Now why don’t you just get out my way. You talking about what you did for me… what’d you ever give me? You ain’t never gave me nothing. You ain’t never done nothing but hold me back. Afraid I was gonna be better than you. All you ever did was try and make me scared of you. I used to tremble every time you called my name. Every time I heard your footsteps in the house. Wondering all the time… what’s Papa gonna say if I do this?… What’s he gonna say if I do that?… What’s he gonna say if I turn on the radio? And Mama, too… she tries… but she’s scared of you. I don’t know how she stand you… after what you did to her. What you gonna do… give me a whupping? You can’t whup me no more. You’re too old. You’re just an old man. You crazy. You know that? You just a crazy old man… talking about I got the devil in me. Come on… put me out. I ain’t scare of you. Come on! Come on, put me out. What’s the matter? You so bad… put me out! Come on! Come on!

Lord of the Flies (by William Golding)

What makes things break up like they do? I mean, what is wrong with people? Let’s go to the other side of the island to hunt and have fun…and die here on this bloody island!? Doesn’t anyone care about getting rescued?! The fire should always be the number one priority! If it wasn’t for Jack, I would probably be at home right now…

My hair… it’s so long… I mean, I can barely see. And I can barely get my fingers through it. My clothes… they’re like cardboard. The salt… it’s everywhere. Look at my nails. I would do anything for a bar of soap… anything just to have a bath. Look at my face… look at me! I probably look like one of Jack’s hunters with all this dirt. Stupid face painting…as if they think it actually helped them catch that boar. I could be home right now. I could off this island with mom and dad and…

Mom always told me that sometimes things are better left unsaid and I have tried. I have tried to reason with him. I don’t understand. I was voted chief fair and square. He always says I am afraid and I am sometimes. But who wouldn’t be? Even Jack looked scared when he ran down that mountain. But of course, he will never admit that. What did I ever do to Jack? Why do you hate me, Jack?

I just wanted to work together, get things done on this island, and do everything we can to be rescued. But he doesn’t seem to care. I know he has a family; doesn’t he want to see them? And he is such a show-off: “I cut the pig’s throat, I spilled her blood” So what Jack?! Is that going to get us rescued? Of course not. The fire will. It is our only hope. Only no one understands that. Well, Piggy does, but Piggy understands everything, but it doesn’t matter anyway. There was a ship…

Supposed I stopped caring? Just like the others. Only Piggy seems to care… and I need more than Piggy on my side…So maybe I should forget the fire, put mud and blood on my face and join the rest of them. They seem to be having fun. And they probably have eaten lots of meat. Some meat would taste really good right now… So maybe I should stop caring too…

Forever Teen (by Jim Chevallier)

Oh Hi. You must be the new kid. Your family just moved in here, right? How you doin’? I’m the ghost. I just walked right by your mom and dad. But they couldn’t see me. It’s a teen thing. It’s like those sounds only teens can hear. You heard about those? There’s this old guy, Carl, lives across the street. Let me tell you, I knew Carl when he was our age. Back when I was, you know, alive? Real pain, that Carl, even then. Anyway, he got sick of kids skateboarding by his place. So he bought this gizmo that puts out a high-pitched sound. Only, adults couldn’t hear it. Turns out you lose the highs after a certain age. But teens? Teens couldn’t stand it. And they kept away. Except for myself. Being a ghost and all, I had to stay put. It’s that whole haunting thing, you know? Man, I almost lost my posthumous marbles. Luckily, the town made Carl shut it off. So I could haunt in peace. As it were. What I’m saying is, it’s like that with me. You can only see me because you’re a teen. Before you turn twenty, bit by bit, it’ll get harder to see me, until one day, I’ll just…. disappear. Which gets to be a drag, you know? Making friends, then fading out of their lives… But hey, for now, we’ve got time, right? So, tell me – what’s your name?

Beating (by Jim Chevallier)

I got beaten up pretty bad. I feel great. Ricky kept pushing me around, kind of half-slapping me. Just for fun. Like kids have been doing for years. And you know I can’t fight. Only, this time I thought: “If I don’t do something, this will never end. This will be my life.” So I hit him back. That is, I tried; it’s not like I hurt him. In fact, he punched me. Hard. So I punched him back. And he hit me again. A few times. But each time I hit him back. He kept saying, “C’mon, man. You’re gonna get hurt.” I didn’t say a word. Just kept hitting him, every time he hit me. Not hurting him. Don’t get me wrong. Just hitting him. Finally he stepped back. “You’re crazy, man. You’re just crazy.” And he took another step back. Then I realized: “He’s afraid. He’s afraid of me.” And he was. Can you believe it? He walked away, just turned around and walked away. How do you like that? All because I fought back. I finally fought back. I fought back, and I won.


Female Monologues

(Monologues for youth at the end)

Role Janice
Actor Maggie Wheeler

That’s fine. Because I know that this isn’t the end. It isn’t, because you wont let that happen. Don’t you know it yet? You love me, Chandler Bing. No? Well then ask yourself this. Why do you think we keep ending up together? New Year’s? Who invited who? Valentine’s? Who asked who into whose bed? You seek me out. Something deep in your soul calls out to me like a foghorn. JANICE, JANICE. You want me. You need me. You can’t live without me. And you know it. You just don’t know you know it. See ya!

America Ferrera

“It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don’t think you’re good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we’re always doing it wrong.

“You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can’t ask for money because that’s crass. You have to be a boss, but you can’t be mean. You have to lead, but you can’t squash other people’s ideas. You’re supposed to love being a mother, but don’t talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman but also always be looking out for other people. You have to answer for men’s bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you’re accused of complaining. You’re supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you’re supposed to be a part of the sisterhood.

“But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful. You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It’s too hard! It’s too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.

“I’m just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us. And if all of that is also true for a doll just representing women, then I don’t even know.”


The Piano
Role Ada McGrath
Actor Holly Hunter

The voice you hear is not my speaking voice, but my mind’s voice. I have not spoken since I was six years old. No one knows why, not even me. My father says it is a dark talent, and the day I take it into my head to stop breathing will be my last. Today he married me to a man I have not yet met. Soon my daughter and I shall join him in his own country. My husband writes that my muteness does not bother him and hark this. He says, “God loves dumb creatures, so why not I?” ‘Twere good he had God’s patience, for silence affects us all in the end. The strange thing is, I don’t think myself silent. That is because of my piano. I shall miss it on the journey.


Role Mal Cobb
Actor Marion Cotillard

How could you understand? Do you know what it is to be a a lover? To be half of a whole? I’ll tell you a riddle. You’re waiting for a train, a train that will take you far away. You know where you hope this train will take you, but you don’t know for sure. But it doesn’t matter. How can it not matter to you where that train will take you?


The Blair Witch Project
Role Heather Donahue

I just want to apologize to Mike’s mom and Josh’s mom and my mom. And I’m sorry to everyone. I was very naive. I am so, so sorry for everything that has happened. Because in spite of what Mike says now, it is my fault. Because it was my project and I insisted. I insisted on everything. I insisted we weren’t lost. I insisted we keep going. I insisted that we walk south. Everything had to be my way and this is where we’ve ended up. And it’s all because of me that we’re here now: hungry and cold and hunted. I love you mom and dad. I am so sorry. … What is that? I’m scared to close my eyes and I’m scared to open them. I’m going to die out here.


V for Vendetta
written by Andy Wachowski & Larry Wachowski, from characters created by Alan Moore & David Lloyd

Evey: “Remember, remember, the Fifth of November, / The Gunpowder Treason and Plot… / I know of no reason / Why the Gunpowder Treason should ever be forgot…” But what of the man? I know his name was Guy Fawkes and I know, in his 1605, he attempted to blow up the Houses of Parliament. But who was he really? What was he like? We are told to remember the idea, not the man, because a man can fail. He can be caught, he can be killed and forgotten, but 400 years later, an idea can still change the world. I’ve witnessed first hand the power of ideas, I’ve seen people kill in the name of them, and die defending them… but you cannot kiss an idea, cannot touch it, or hold it… ideas do not bleed, they do not feel pain, they do not love… And it is not an idea that I miss, it is a man… A man that made me remember the Fifth of November. A man that I will never forget.


Steel Magnolias
written by Robert Harling

M’Lynn: I’m fine.. I’m fine.. I’m fine.. I’m FINE! [sobbing/screaming] I could jog all the way to Texas and back.. but my daughter can’t!! She never could!! Oh.. God…..I’m so mad I don’t know what to do!! I wanna know why! I wanna know WHY Shelby’s life is over!! I wanna HOW that baby will EVER know how wonderful his mother was.. Will he EVER know what she went THROUGH for him? Oh God I wanna know WHY? WHY? Lord…I wish I could understand! No…NO…NO!! It’s not supposed to happen this way! I’m supposed to go first!! I’ve always been ready to go first! I don’t think I can take this.. I.. I don’t think I can take this! I just wanna hit somethin’! I just wanna hit somebody.. till they feel as bad as I do!! I just wanna hit something! I wanna hit it HARD!


written by Jane Goldman & Matthew Vaughn, from the novel by Neil Gaiman

Yvaine (Claire Danes): You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn’t true. I know a lot about love. I’ve seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars… pain, lies, hate… It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But when I see the way that mankind loves… You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and… What I’m trying to say, Tristan is…I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I’d know it for myself. My heart… It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it’s trying to escape because it doesn’t belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I’d wish for nothing in exchange…no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine.


Sleeping Beauty
adaptation by Erdman Penner, written by Joe Rinaldi, Winston Hibler, Bill Peet, Ted Sears, Ralph Wright, Milt Banta, from the original fairy tale by Charles Perrault

Maleficent (Eleanor Audley): Oh come now, prince Phillip. Why so melancholy? A wondrous future lies before you. You, the destined hero of a charming fairy tale come true. Behold, King Stefan’s castle, and in yonder topmost tower, dreaming of her true love, the princess Aurora. But see the gracious whim of fate. Why, ’tis the self same peasant maid, who won the heart of our noble prince but yesterday. She is indeed most wondrous fair. Gold of sunshine in her hair, lips that shame the red, red rose. In ageless sleep she finds repose. The years roll by, but a hundred years to a steadfast heart are ’bout a day. And now, the gates of the dungeon part, and the prince is free to go his way. Off he rides on his noble steed… a valiant figure, straight and tall, to wake his love with love’s first kiss, and prove that true love conquers all. (evil laugh) Come, my pet. Let us leave our noble prince with these happy thoughts. A most gratifying day.


Superman: The Movie (1978) Flying Over Metropolis with Superman – Reporter Lois Lane’s (Margot Kidder) love-struck internal monologue as she flew over Metropolis in Superman’s (Christopher Reeve) arms and next to him:

Can you read my mind? Do you know what it is that you do to me? I don’t know who you are. Just a friend from another star. Here I am like a kid out of school. Holding hands with a god. I’m a fool. Will you look at me? Quivering. Like a little girl shivering. You can see right through me. Can you read my mind? Can you picture the things I’m thinking of? Wondering why you are all the wonderful things you are. You can fly! You belong in the sky. You and I could belong to each other. If you need a friend, I’m the one to fly to. If you need to be loved, here I am. Read my mind.


Charlotte’s Web (1973) Charlotte’s Farewell- Spider Charlotte’s (voice of Debbie Reynolds) touching farewell speech to Wilbur (voice of Henry Gibson) after his fate has been secured by earning a special prize at the fair:

I’m a little tired, perhaps, but I feel peaceful. Your success today was, to a small degree, my success. You will live now, secure and safe… You have been my friend. That, in itself, is a tremendous thing. After all, what’s a life, anyway? We’re born, we live a little while, we die. A spider’s life can’t help being something of a mess with all this trapping and eating flies. By helping you, perhaps I was trying to lift up my own life a trifle… I will not be going back to the barn… I’m done for, Wilbur. In a while, I’ll be dead. I haven’t even strength enough to climb down into the crate…


Harold and Maude (1971) An Overbearing Match-Making Mother Completing a Computer Dating Service Questionnaire For Her Son. 19 year-old Harold’s (Bud Cort) over-bearing, match-making mother Mrs. Chasen (Vivian Pickles) filled out his computer dating service questionnaire for him (she never let him answer a single question!), while he prepared to commit fake suicide. He calmly loaded a revolver and shot himself in front of her:

First, here is the personality interview which you are to fill out and return. Now then, are you ready, Harold? Here is the first question. ‘Are you uncomfortable meeting new people?’ Well, I think that’s a yes, don’t you agree, Harold? ‘Should sex education be taught outside the home?’ Oh, I would say no, wouldn’t you, Harold? Yeah, we’ll give a D there. Three: ‘Should women run for president of the United States?’ I don’t see why not. Absolutely yes. ‘Do you remember jokes and take pleasure in relating them to others?’ Well, you don’t do that, do you, Harold? No. Absolutely not. ‘Do you often get the feeling that perhaps life isn’t worth living?’ Hmm, what is it, Harold? A? B? Oh, we’ll put C – not sure. ‘Is the subject of sex being overexploited by our mass media?’ Well, that would have to be yes, wouldn’t it? ‘Is it difficult for you to accept criticism?’ No. We’ll mark D. ‘Do you sometimes have headaches or backaches after a difficult day?’ Yes, I do indeed. ‘Do you go to sleep easily?’ I’d say so. ‘Do you believe in capital punishment for murder?’ Oh, yes, I do indeed. ‘In your opinion, are social affairs usually a waste of time?’ Heavens, no! ‘Can God influence our lives?’ Oh, yes, absolutely yes. ‘Does your personal religion or philosophy include a life after death?’ (Harold points his gun at his mother) Oh, yes, indeed. That’s absolutely. ‘Did you enjoy life when you were a child?’ Oh, yes, you were a wonderful baby, Harold. ‘Do you think the sexual revolution has gone too far?’ It certainly has. ‘Do you find the idea of wife-swapping distasteful?’ I even find the question distasteful. ‘Do you…’ (gunshot) Harold, please! ‘Do you have ups and downs without obvious reason?’ Oh, that’s you, Harold!


Funny Girl (1968) “I’m The Greatest Star” Aspiring, gifted rags-to-riches performer Fanny Brice (Barbra Streisand) was seen in flashback, singing “I’m the Greatest Star.” She was trying to convince others, through song, clever words and acting, that she was going to be the next big star even though she wasn’t one of the “beautiful girls.” They showed her the door:

Suppose all ya ever had for breakfast was onion rolls. Then one day, in walks a bagel! You’d say, ‘Ugh, what’s that?’ Until you tried it! That’s my problem. I’m a bagel on a plate full of onion rolls. Nobody recognizes me! Listen, I got 36 expressions. Sweet as pie and as tough as leather. And that’s six expressions more than all them Barrymores put together. Instead of just kicking me, why don’t they give me a lift? Well, it must be a plot, ’cause they’re scared that I got such a gift!…

Well, I’m miffed. ‘Cause I’m – the greatest star. I am by far, but no one knows it. Wait – they’re gonna hear a voice, a silver flute. They’ll cheer each toot, hey, she’s terrific!, when I expose it. Now can’t you see to look at me that I’m a natural Camille. And as Camille, I just feel, I’ve so much to offer. Hey listen, kid, I know I’d be divine because I’m a natural cougher. Some ain’t got it, not a lump. I’m a great big clump of talent! Laugh, they’ll bend in half. Did you ever hear the story about the travelling salesman? A thousand jokes, stick around for the jokes. A thousand faces. I reiterate. When you’re gifted, then you’re gifted. These are facts, I’ve got no axe to grind! Ay! What are ya, blind? In all of the world so far, I’m the greatest star! No autographs, please. Huh? What? What did she say? You think beautiful girls are gonna stay in style forever? I should say not! Any minute now, they’re gonna be out! Finished! Then it’ll be my turn!


Bonnie and Clyde (1967) Enticed Into an Exciting Life of Crime – Clyde Barrow (Warren Beatty) enticed Bonnie Parker (Faye Dunaway), a poor waitress, into a glamorous life with his own unrealistic, ignorant and childish fantasies of freedom, wealth and fame. He encouraged her to think of him as the answer to her dreams – they could make history together:

All right. All right. If all you want’s a stud service, you get on back to West Dallas and you stay there the rest of your life. You’re worth more than that, a lot more than that and you know it and that’s why you’re comin’ along with me. You could find a lover boy on every damn corner in town. It don’t make a damn to them whether you’re waitin’ on tables or pickin’ cotton, but it does make a damn to me!…Why? What’s you mean, ‘Why?’ Because you’re different, that’s why. You know, you’re like me. You want different things. You’ve got somethin’ better than bein’ a waitress. You and me travelin’ together, we could cut a path clean across this state and Kansas and Missouri and Oklahoma and everybody’d know about it. You listen to me, Miss Bonnie Parker. You listen to me. Now how would you like to go walkin’ into the dining room of the Adolphus Hotel in Dallas wearin’ a nice silk dress and have everybody waitin’ on you? Would you like that? That seem like a lot to ask? That ain’t enough for you. You’ve got a right to that.


The Sound of Music (1965) A Prayer For Her New “Family” Young Austrian abbey postulant Maria (Julie Andrews), after taking on the temporary job of governess to look after the seven children of widowed, strict Navy captain Georg von Trapp (Christopher Plummer), prayed at her bedside – during a fierce thunderstorm, blessing the Captain and the children:

Dear Father, now I know why you’ve sent me here. To help these children prepare themselves for a new mother. And I pray that this will become a happy family in thy sight. God bless the captain. God bless Liesl and Friedrich. God bless Louisa, Brigitta, Marta, and little Gretl. And, oh, I forgot the other boy. What’s his name? Well, God bless what’s-his-name. God bless the Reverend Mother and Sister Margaretta and everybody at Nonnberg Abbey. And now, dear God, about Liesl, help her know that I’m her friend. And help her to tell me what she’s been up to…Shh, help me to be understanding so that I may guide her footsteps. In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, Amen.

As she finished her prayer, a rain-drenched, love-sick 16 year-old Liesl (Charmian Carr) entered through her window from her dis-allowed rendezvous with messenger boyfriend Rolf (Daniel Truhitte).


Gypsy (1962) “I AM Gypsy Rose Lee!” Louise Hovick/Gypsy Rose Lee’s (Natalie Wood) confrontational telling off of her overbearing stage mother Mama Rose Hovick (Rosalind Russell):

Nobody laughs at me! Because I laugh first — at ME! ME, from Seattle! ME, with no education! ME, with no talent, as you kept reminding me my whole life! Well, Mama, look at me now! I’m a STAR! Look! Look how I live! Look at my friends! Look where I’m going! I’m not staying in burlesque! I’m moving! Maybe up, maybe down! But wherever it is, I’m enjoying it! I’m having the time of my life, because for the first time, it IS my life! And I LOVE it! I love every second of it, and I’ll be DAMNED if you’re gonna take it away from me! I AM GYPSY ROSE LEE, and I love her! And if you don’t, you can just clear out now!

Psycho (1960) “She Wouldn’t Even Harm a Fly” Speech

In his jail cell, blanket-wrapped Norman Bates (Anthony Perkins, but “Mother’s” voice supplied by Virginia Gregg) offered his final internal thoughts after being overtaken by Mother, in voice-over. The voice of “Mother” spoke in Norman’s head, and condemned her son for the crimes, while she claimed that she was harmless:

It’s sad when a Mother has to speak the words that condemn her own son, but I couldn’t allow them to believe that I would commit murder. They’ll put him away now, as I should have years ago. He was always bad and in the end, he intended to tell them I killed those girls and that man, as if I could do anything except just sit and stare, like one of his stuffed birds.

Oh, they know I can’t even move a finger, and I won’t. I’ll just sit here and be quiet, just in case they do suspect me. They’re probably watching me. Well, let them. Let them see what kind of a person I am. I’m not even gonna swat that fly. I hope they are watching. They’ll see. They’ll see and they’ll know, and they’ll say, ‘Why, she wouldn’t even harm a fly.’


Some Like It Hot (1959) Bad Luck “Fuzzy End of the Lollipop” Speech – Band singer and ukulele player Sugar Kane/Kowalczyk (Marilyn Monroe) gave a ‘fuzzy end of the lollipop’ speech about bad luck, mostly with saxophone players, to Josephine (Tony Curtis) in the Ladies’ Room of the train during a late-night party with the other girls. As she chipped away at a block of ice, she described how she was an abused, melancholy alcoholic running away from all-male bands. Sugar confessed that she had always had bad luck with her lovers, when she easily turned weak from music (“All they have to do is play eight bars of ‘Come to Me, My Melancholy Baby’ and my spine turns to custard”). She talked to him about how she inevitably weakened and fell for male saxophone players in male groups and then ended up being dumped by them:

I’m not very bright, I guess…just dumb. If I had any brains, I wouldn’t be on this crummy train with this crummy girls’ band…I used to sing with male bands but I can’t afford it anymore…That’s what I’m running away from. I worked with six different ones in the last two years. Oh, brother!…I can’t trust myself. I have this thing about saxophone players, especially tenor sax…I don’t know what it is, they just curdle me. All they have to do is play eight bars of ‘Come to Me, My Melancholy Baby’ and my spine turns to custard. I get goose pimply all over and I come to ’em…every time…

That’s why I joined this band. Safety first. Anything to get away from those bums…You don’t know what they’re like. You fall for ’em and you really love ’em – you think this is gonna be the biggest thing since the Graf Zeppelin – and the next thing you know, they’re borrowing money from you and spending it on other dames and betting on horses…Then one morning you wake up, the guy is gone, the saxophone’s gone, all that’s left behind is a pair of old socks and a tube of toothpaste, all squeezed out. So you pull yourself together. You go on to the next job, the next saxophone player. It’s the same thing all over again. You see what I mean? Not very bright…

I can tell you one thing – it’s not gonna happen to me again – ever. I’m tired of getting the fuzzy end of the lollipop.


Cat on a Hot Tin Roof (1958) Maggie’s Tortured Without Love Speech Maggie Pollitt’s (Elizabeth Taylor) longing, pleading to an unresponsive (possibly gay) husband Brick (Paul Newman):

Why can’t you lose your good looks, Brick? Most drinkin’ men lose theirs. Why can’t you? I think you’ve even gotten better-lookin’ since you went on the bottle. You were such a wonderful lover… You were so excitin’ to be in love with. Mostly, I guess, ’cause you were… If I thought you’d never never make love to me again… why I’d find me the longest, sharpest knife I could and I’d stick it straight into my heart. I’d do that. Oh Brick, how long does this have to go on? This punishment? Haven’t I served my term? Can’t I apply for a pardon?


To Have and Have Not (1944) “Just Put Your Lips Together and Blow” Invitation

The incredibly sensuous scene between Steve / Harry Morgan (Humphrey Bogart) and Slim / Marie Browning (Lauren Bacall), who was trying to seduce him:

Who was the girl, Steve?… The one that left you with such a high opinion of women? She must have been quite a gal. You think I lied to you about this, don’t you? Well, it just happens there’s thirty-odd dollars here. Not enough for boat fare, or any other kind of fare. Just enough for me to say ‘no’ if I feel like it, and you can have it if you want it… You wouldn’t take anything from anybody would you?… You know Steve, you’re not very hard to figure. Only at times. Sometimes I know exactly what you’re going to say. Most of the time. The other times, the other times you’re just a stinker.

After kissing him a second time after he had become more receptive, she cooed as she left his room:

It’s even better when you help…. Uh, sure you won’t change your mind about this?… This belongs to me, and so do my lips, I don’t see any difference… Okay, you know you don’t have act with me, Steve. You don’t have to say anything, and you don’t have to do anything. Not with me. Oh, maybe just whistle. You remember how to whistle, don’t you? Just put your lips together… and blow.


The Curse of the Cat People (1944) The Headless Horseman Legend

Aging reclusive actress Mrs. Julia Farren (Julia Dean) enacted her version of the ‘Headless Horseman’ tale, to young blonde Amy Reed (Ann Carter):

I’ll tell you a story. A lovely story…Do you know the story of the Headless Horseman?…You live right here in Tarrytown and you don’t know the legend of Sleepy Hollow? Then you must hear it. I shall tell it to you. There, now, you sit there. Now, we’ll pretend this is the stage. (She emerged from behind a curtain) The Headless Horseman…It was shot off long ago in the great battles that were fought here. With the British on one side and the Americans on the other….

On the dark nights, on the stormy nights, you can hear him. He passes like the wind, and the flapping and fluttering of his great cloak, beating like gaunt wings. And the thunder of his horses’ hooves is loud, and loud, and louder! At the midnight hour, down the road that leads to Sleepy Hollow, across the bridge, he goes galloping, galloping, galloping. Always searching, always seeking. And if you stand on the bridge at the wrong hour, the hour when he rides by, his great cloak sweeps around you! He swings you to his saddlebow. And then forever you must ride. And always his cold arms around you, clasping you into the cavity of his bony chest. And then, forever, you must ride, and ride, and ride – with the Headless Horseman.


Stage Door (1937) “The Calla Lilies Are in Bloom Again”

Rich/refined actress Terry Randall (Katharine Hepburn) performed on stage after her friend Kaye’s (Andrea Leeds) suicide:

The calla lilies are in bloom again. Such a strange flower, suitable to any occasion. I carried them on my wedding day, and now I place them here in memory of something that has died…Have you gathered here to mourn, or are you here to bring me comfort?…(She touched the ring on her finger given to her by Kaye) I’ve learned something about love that I never knew before. That I never knew before. You speak of love when it’s too late. Help should come to people when they need it. Why are we always so helpful to each other when it’s no longer any use?…This is my home. This is where I belong. Love was in this house once, and for me it will always be here, nowhere else…One should always listen closely when people say goodbye because sometimes they’re, they’re really saying farewell.

This speech was followed by her equally moving curtain call eulogy speech to modestly give tribute to Kaye.


Dracula (1931) Nocturnal Visitation by Dracula

Mina Seward (Helen Chandler) described to her fiancee John Harker (David Manners) a “dream” she had — after a nocturnal visitation by batlike vampire Dracula (Bela Lugosi) while she was sleeping:

And just as I was commencing to get drowsy, I heard dogs howling. And when the dream came, it seemed the whole room was filled with mist. It was so thick, I could just see the lamp by the bed, a tiny spark in the fog. And then I saw two red eyes staring at me, and a white livid face came down out of the mist. It came closer and closer. I felt its breath on my face, and then its lips, ohhh, (whimpering)…And then, in the morning, I felt so weak. It seemed as if all the life had been drained out of me.



My Fair Lady – written by Alan Jay Lerner, adapted from the play by George Bernard Shaw

Eliza Doolittle: My aunt died of influenza, so they said. But it’s my belief they done the old woman in. Yes Lord love you! Why should she die of influenza when she come through diphtheria right enough the year before? Fairly blue with it she was. They all thought she was dead. But my father, he kept ladling gin down her throat. Then she come to so sudden that she bit the bowl off the spoon. Now, what would you call a woman with that strength in her have to die of influenza, and what become of her new straw hat that should have come to me? Somebody pinched it, and what I say is, them that pinched it, done her in. Them she lived with would have killed her for a hatpin, let alone a hat. And as for father ladling the gin down her throat, it wouldn’t have killed her. Not her. Gin was as mother’s milk to her. Besides, he’s poured so much down his own throat that he knew the good of it.


The Notebook – written by Jan Sardi & Jeremy Leven, from the novel by Nicholas Sparks

Allie: Do you remember sneaking over here the first time you told me about this place? I got home late that evening, and my parents were furious when I finally came in. I can still picture my daddy standing in the living room, my mother on the sofa, staring straight ahead. I swear, they looked as if a family member had died. That was the first time my parents knew I was serious about you, and my mother had a long talk with me later that night. She said to me,” Sometimes, our future is dictated by who we are, not what we want.” And I know it was wrong of her to keep your letters from me, but just try to understand. Once we left, she probably thought it would be easier for me to just let go. In her mind, she was trying to protect my feelings, and she probably thought the best way to do that was to hide the letters you sent. Not that any of it matters, now that I have Lon. He’s handsome, charming, successful. He’s kind to me, he makes me laugh, and I know he loves me in his own special way…but there’s always going to be something missing in our relationship — the kind of love we had that summer.


Sense & Sensibility – written by Emma Thompson, from novel by Jane Austen

Elinor: [trying hard to be controlled] Edward made his promise a long time ago, long before he met me. Though he may harbor some regrets, I believe he will be happy in the knowledge that he did his duty and kept his word. After all – after all that is bewitching in the idea of one’s happiness depending entirely on one person, it is not always possible. We must accept. Edward will marry Lucy – and you and I will go home.
Marianne: Always resignation and acceptance! Always prudence and honor and duty! Elinor, where is your heart?
Elinor: [Finally explodes She turns upon Marianne almost savagely] What do you know of my heart? What do you know of anything but your own suffering? For weeks, Marianne, I’ve had this pressing on me without being at liberty to speak of it to a single creature. It was forced upon me by the very person whose prior claims ruined all my hopes. I have had to endure her exultation again and again whilst knowing myself to be divided from Edward forever. Believe me, Marianne, had I not been bound to silence I could have produced proof enough of a broken heart even for you!


Ten Things I Hate About You – written by Karen McCullah Lutz & Kirsten Smith; adapted from the play by William Shakespeare

Kat: I hate the way you talk to me. And the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare I hate your big dumb combat boots. And the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick– it even makes me rhyme. I hate the way you’re always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh — even worse when you make me cry. I hate it that you’re not around. And the fact that you didnt call. But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you – – not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.


written by Bill Condon, from the musical written by Maurine Dallas Watkins, Bob Fosse, & Fred Ebb

Roxie: (speaking to Mama) I always wanted to have my name in all the papers. Before I met Amos I use to date this well-to-do ugly bootlegger. He used to like to take me out and show me off. Ugly guys like to do that. < song intro the into segueways which – laughs>Once it said in the paper, “Gangland’s Al Capelli seen at Chez Vito with cute blond chorine.” That was me. I clipped it and saved it. You know, all my life I wanted to have my own act. But noooo, no, no, no, it’s always no, they always turned me down. One big world full of no! And then Amos came along. Safe, sweet Amos. Who never says no. Ohh. (coy giggles) I’ve never done this before, but you know, it is such a special night and you are such a great audience! (applause from Roxie’s “audience”) And, and, I just really feel like I can talk to you, you know? So forget what you’ve read in the papers, and forget what you’ve heard on the radio because, because, because I’m gonna tell you the truth. (giggles) Not that the truth really matters, but I’m gonna tell you anyway. In the bed department, Amos was……zero. I mean, when he made love to me, it was like, it was like he was fixing a carborator or something, (pretends to play with her breasts, imitating Amos) “I love ya, honey, I love ya!” Anyway, I started fooling around…and then I started screwing around, which is fooling around without dinner. Then I met Fred Casley, who said he could get me into vaudeville, but that didn’t quite work out like I planned. I guess it didn’t really work out too great for Fred either. So I gave up with the whole vaudeville idea, ’cause you gotta figure after all those years — opportunities just pass you by. (sings) But it ain’t, oh no no no no, but it ain’t. (speaking again) And now, if this Flynn guy gets me off, with all this publicity, I got me a world full of YES!


Freaky Friday
written by Heather Hach and Leslie Dixon, from the novel by Mary Rodgers

Tess (as her daughter Anna): Mr. Bates, may I please speak with you? By what stretch of the imagination . . . I mean, like, how could I, like, get an “F”? I mean, what mistakes did I make? That was a college-level analysis. In a matter of fact I most certainly am qualified of making that point. “As in Hamlet, ‘what’s done is done’”? That’s “Macbeth,” you know-nothing twit. Bates. Elton Bates. Griffith High School. Well, you asked me, I mean, my mom to the prom, but she turned you down. And now you’re taking it out on her daughter, aren’t you? Aren’t you?! Oh come on, it was high school dance. I mean, you’ve got to let go and move on, man. And if you don’t, I’m sure the school board would love to hear about your pathetic vendetta against an innocent student. Oh, and by the way Elton, she had a boyfriend, and you were weird.


Tess (as Anna): I have to ask you to do something for me. It needs to happen now before the toasts and speeches. Clearly we’re not switching back tonight. I need you to tell Ryan you need to postpone the wedding. No, listen, I can see you’re not ready for this. And I can wait. I guess that I was just so happy, I wasn’t thinking about what’s best for you and Harry. If he loves me like I think he does, he’ll wait, too. He’ll understand. He’ll be very sweet and gracious about it. But please, just please let him know that I love him. And be as kind as you possibly can for me.


Legally Blonde – written by Karen McCullah Lutz & Kirsten Smith, from the novel by Amanda Brown

Elle: On our very first day at Harvard a very wise professor quoted Aristotle… “the law is reason free from passion.” Well…no offense to Aristotle, but in my three years at Harvard I have come to find that passion is a key ingredient to the study and practice of law…and of life. It is with passion, courage of conviction, and strong sense of self that we take our next steps into the world. Remembering that first impressions are not always correct, you must always have faith in people, and most importantly…you must always have faith in yourself. Congratulations class of 2004…we did it!


Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby – written by Will Ferrell & Adam McKay

Susan: It’s because it’s what you love, Ricky. It is who you were born to be. And here you sit. Thinking. Well, Ricky Bobby is not a thinker. Ricky Bobby is a driver. He is a doer, and that’s what you need to do. You don’t need to think. You need to drive. You need speed. You need to go out there, and you need to rev your engine. You need to fire it up. You need to grab ahold of that line between speed and chaos, and you need to wrestle it to the ground like a demon cobra. And then, when the fear rises up in your belly, you use it. And you know that fear is powerful, because it has been there for billions of years. And it is good. And you use it. And you ride it; you ride it like a skeleton horse through the gates of hell, and then you win, Ricky. You WIN! And you don’t win for anybody else. You win for you, you know why? Because a man takes what he wants. He takes it all. And you’re a man, aren’t you? Aren’t you?


As Good As It Gets- written by James L. Brooks

Carol: You know, it’s really something that you’re looking after Simon. And what I said on the street (pause) it was a bad thing to say. It made me sick to my stomach–it was a…bad thing to say. And I’d be lying if I didn’t say…that I enjoy your company. But the truth is that you do bother me enormously, and I know that it– think that it– I think that it’s better that I don’t have contact with you because you’re not ready! And you’re a pretty old guy not to be ready and I’m too old to ignore that. But there were extraordinary kindnesses that did take place. (laughs) So anyways thanks for the trip. Goodnight! Goodnight…


Addams Family Values – written by Paul Rudnick

Debbie: I don’t want to hurt anybody. I don’t enjoy hurting anybody. I don’t like guns or bombs or electric chairs, but sometimes people just won’t listen and so I have to use persuasion, and slides. My parents, Sharon and Dave. Generous, doting, or were they? All I ever wanted was a Ballerina Barbie in her pretty pink tutu. My birthday, I was 10 and do you know what they got me? Malibu Barbie. That’s not what I wanted, that’s not who I was. I was a ballerina. Graceful. Delicate. They had to go. My first husband, the heart surgeon. All day long, coronaries, transplants. “Sorry about dinner, Deb, the Pope has a cold.” Husband number 2: the senator. He loved his state. He loved his country. Sorry Debbie. No Mercedes this year. We have to set an example.” Oh yeah. Set this! My latest husband. My late, late husband Fester, and his adorable family. You took me in. You accepted me. But did any of you love me? I mean, really love me? So I killed. So I maimed. So I destroyed one innocent life after another. Aren’t I a human being? Don’t I yearn and ache…and shop? Don’t I deserve love…and jewelry? Good-bye everybody. Wish me luck.


In the Name of the Father-written by Terry George & Jim Sheridan, from book by Gerry Conlon

Gareth Peirce: Will you read this statement that you took from him on the 3rd of November, 1974? A statement, my Lord, that vindicates all of these people, all of these innocent people. Someone ordered that these people be used as scapegoats by a nation that was begging for blood. In return for the innocent blood spilled on the streets of London. [ turning to Mr Dixon very angrily] And by God you got your blood Mr Dixon! You got the blood of Giuseppe Conlon, you got the life blood of Carol Richardson, and you’ve got 15 years of blood, sweat, and pain for my client and his only crime was being Irish, and being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
And one of your colleagues, My Lord, who sat where you’re sitting now, said and I quote, “It was a pity that you were not charged with treason to the crown. A charge that carries a penalty of death by hanging. A sentence I would have had no trouble in passing in this case.” My Lord, this brings the entire English legal system into disrepute. My Lord, this alibi for Gerry Conlon was taken by Mr. Dixon one month after Gerry Conlon was arrested. This note was attatched to it when I found it in police files. [Holds up note] It reads, “not to be shown to the defense.” [Turning back to Mr. Dixon] I have one question for you Mr. Dixon.
Why was the alibi for Gerry Conlon, who was charged wih the murder of five innocent people, kept from the defense?


Mommie Dearest
written by Robert Getchell, Tracy Hotchner, Frank Perry, & Frank Yablans, by Christina Crawford

Joan Crawford: No wire hangers! What’s wire hangers doing in this closet when I told you no wire hangers?! EVER!!!! I work till I’m half dead and I hear people say she’s getting old! What do I get ? A daughter who cares as much about a beautiful dress I give her as she cares about me. What’s wire hangers doing in this closet?! Answer me! I buy you beautiful dresses and you treat ’em like some dishrag! You threw a 300 dollar dress on a wire hanger! We’ll see how many you got hidden in here, we’ll see! All of this is coming out! Out! Out! Out! Out! We’re gonna see how many wire hangers you got in your closet! Wire hangers. Why? Why? Christina, get out of that bed! Get out of that bed! (picks up hanger and begins to beat Christina) You live in the most beautiful house in Brentwood and you don’t care about crease marks from wire hangers, and your room looks like some two dollar unfurnished room in some two- bit backstreet town in Oklahoma! Get up! Clean up this mess! Did you scrub the bathroom floor today? Did you?


Pretty Woman – written by J.F. Lawton

Vivian: When I was a little girl… my momma used to lock me in the attic when I was bad, which was pretty often… and I would… I would pretend I was a princess trapped in a tower by a wicked queen. Then suddenly, a knight on a white horse with colors flying would come charging up and draw his sword… and I would wave… and he would climb up the tower, and rescue me. (pause) But never… in all the times that I had this dream did the knight say to me, ‘Come on baby, I’ll put you up in a great condo.


The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
written by Fran Walsh, Philippa Boyens, & Peter Jackson, from the novel J.R.R. Tolkien

Galadriel: (speaking partly in Elvish) I amar prestar aen. The world is changed. Han matho ne nen. I feel it in the water. Han mathon ned cae. I feel it in the earth. A han noston ned gwilith. I smell it in the air. Much that once was is lost, for none now live who remember it.
It began with the forging of the Great Rings. Three were given to the Elves, immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings. Seven to the Dwarf-Lords, great miners and craftsmen of the mountain halls. And nine, nine rings were gifted to the race of Men, who above all else desire power. For within these rings was bound the strength and the will to govern each race. But they were all of them deceived, for another ring was made. Deep in the land of Mordor, in the Fires of Mount Doom, the Dark Lord Sauron forged in secret a master ring to control all others, and into this ring he poured his cruelty, his malice and his will to dominate all life. One ring to rule them all.
One by one, the free lands of Middle-Earth fell to the power of the Ring, but there were some who resisted. A last alliance of Men and Elves marched against the armies of Mordor, and on the very slopes of Mount Doom, they fought for the freedom of Middle-Earth. Victory was near, but the power of the ring could not be undone.
It was in this moment, when all hope had faded, that Isildur, son of the king, took up his father’s sword.
Sauron, enemy of the free peoples of Middle-Earth, was defeated. The Ring passed to Isildur, who had this one chance to destroy evil forever, but the hearts of men are easily corrupted. And the ring of power has a will of its own. It betrayed Isildur, to his death.
Sauron, the enemy of the free peoples of Middle-Earth, was defeated. The Ring passed to Isildur, who had this once chance to destroy evil forever. But the hearts of Men are easily corrupted. And the ring of power has a will of its own. It betrayed Isildur, to his death. And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost. History became legend, legend became myth. And for two and a half thousand years, the ring passed out of all knowledge. Until, when chance came, it ensnared a new bearer.
The Ring came to the creature Gollum, who took it deep into the tunnels of the Misty Mountains. And there it consumed him. The ring brought to Gollum unnatural long life. For five hundred years it poisoned his mind, and in the gloom of Gollum’s cave, it waited. Darkness crept back into the forests of the world. Rumor grew of a shadow in the East, whispers of a nameless fear, and the Ring of Power percieved its time had now come. It abandoned Gollum. But something happened then that the Ring did not intend. It was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable: a Hobbit, Bilbo Baggins, of the Shire.
For the time will soon come when hobbits will shape the fortunes of all.


Spider-Man II
written by Alfred Gough, Miles Millar, Michael Chabon, and Alvin Sargent

Aunt May: He knows a hero when he sees one. Too few characters out there, flying around like that, saving old girls like me. And Lord knows, kids like Henry need a hero. Courageous, self-sacrificing people. Setting examples for all of us. Everybody loves a hero. People line up for them, cheer them, scream their names. And years later, they’ll tell how they stood in the rain for hours just to get a glimpse of the one who taught them how to hold on a second longer. I believe there’s a hero in all of us, that keeps us honest, gives us strength, makes us noble, and finally allows us to die with pride, even though sometimes we have to be steady, and give up the thing we want the most. Even our dreams.


Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope – written by George Lucas

Princess Leia Organa: General Kenobi, years ago you served my father in the Clone Wars. Now he begs you to help him in his struggle against the Empire. I regret that I am unable to present my fathers request to you in person, but my ship has fallen under attack and I am afraid that my mission to bring you to Alderaan has failed. I have placed information vital to the survival of the Rebellion into the memory systems of this R2 unit. My father will know how to retrive it. You must see this droid saftly delivered to him on Alderaan. This is our most desperate hour. Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You’re my only hope.


While You Were Sleeping – written by Fred Lebow & Daniel Sullivan

Lucy: Okay, there are two things that I remember about my childhood. I just don’t remember it being this orange. First, I remember being with my dad. He would get these far off looks in his eyes and he would say, ‘life doesn’t always turn out the way you planned.” I just wish I had realized he was talking about my life. But that never stopped us from taking our adventures together. He would pack up our sometimes working car and tell me amazing stories about strange and exotic lands as we headed off to exciting destinations like Milwaukee. It’s amazing how exotic Wisconsin…..isn’t But my favorite memories are the stories that he’d tell me about my mom. He would take me to the church where they got married and I’d beg him to tell me more about the ceremony and about my crazy uncle Irwin who fell asleep in the macaroni and cheese, and I’d ask my dad when he knew he truly loved my mom and he’d say, “Lucy, your mother gave me a special gift. She gave me the world.” Actually, it was a globe with a light in it but for the romantic that he was, he might have been the world. Well, the first time that I saw him he didn’t exactly give me the world. It was a dollar fifty for a train token. I looked forward to it every single day. He started coming to my booth between 8:01 and 8:15 every morning, Monday through Friday. And he was perfect… prince charming. We’ve never actually spoken, but I know someday that we will. I know it. I know that someday I will find a way to introduce myself and that’s going to be perfect, just like my prince.


Lucy: I bet you were wondering what I’m doing here in the middle of the night. Well, I thought I should introduce myself. My name is Lucy. Lucy Elenore Moderatz. Umm……I think you should know that your family thinks we’re engaged. I’ve never been engaged before. This is very sudden for me. Umm, what I really came here to tell was that I didn’t mean for this to happen. I don’t know what to do. If you were awake, I wouldn’t be in this mess. Oh God, not that I’m blaming you. I’m sorry. It’s just that when I was a kid, I always imagined what I would be like or what I would have when I got older. And you know, it was normal stuff. I’d have a house and a family and things like that. It’s not that I’m complaining or anything, because I do have a cat. I have an apartment. I have a sole possession of a remote control. That’s very important. It’s just that I’ve never met anybody that I could laugh with. Do you believe in love at first site? I bet you don’t. You’re probably too sensible for that. Or have you ever seen somebody and you know, that if that person really knew you, they’d dump the perfect model that they were with and realize that you were the one that they wanted to grow old with? Have you ever fallen in love with somebody that you haven’t even talked to? Have you ever been so alone that you spend the night confusing a man in a coma?


The Terminator – written by James Cameron

Sarah: The hardest thing is deciding what I should tell you and what not to. Well, anyway, I’ve got a while yet before you’re old enough to understand the tapes. They’re more for me at this point… to help get it all straight.
Should I tell you about your father? That’s a tough one. Will it change your decision to send him here…knowing? But if you don’t send Kyle, you could never be. God, you can go crazy thinking about all this…I suppose I’ll tell you…I owe him that. And maybe it’ll be enough if you know that in the few hours we had together we loved a lifetime’s worth…


Angels in America – written by Tony Kushner

Harper: I feel better, I do, I…feel better. There are ice crystals in my lungs, wonderful and sharp. And the snow smells like cold, crushed peaches. And there’s something… some current of blood in the wind, how strange, it has that iron taste. Where am I? (looking around, then realizing) Antarctica. This is Antarctica! Oh boy oh boy, LOOK at this, I… Wow, I must’ve really snapped the tether, huh?
I want to stay here forever. Set up camp. Build things. Build a city, an enormous city made up of frontier forts, dark wood and green roofs and high gates made of pointed logs and bonfires burning on every street corner. I should build by a river. Where are the forests?
I’ll plant them and grow them. I’ll live off caribou fat, I’ll melt it over the bonfires and drink it from long, curved goat-horn cups. It’ll be great. I want to make a new world here. So that I never have to go home again. I can have anything I want here–maybe even companionship, someone who has…desire for me. There isn’t anyone…maybe an Eskimo. Who could ice-fish for food. And help me build a nest for when the baby comes. Here, I can be pregnant. And I can have any kind of baby I want.
I’m going to like this place. It’s my own National Geographic Special! Oh! Oh! (She holds her stomach) I think… I think I felt her kicking. Maybe I’ll give birth to a baby covered with thick white fur, and that way she won’t be cold. My breasts will be full of hot cocoa so she doesn’t get chilly. And if it gets really cold, she’ll have a pouch I can crawl into. Like a marsupial. We’ll mend together. That’s what we’ll do; we’ll mend.


101 Dalmatians written by John Hughes, from the novel by Dodie Smith

Cruella De Vil: You beasts! But I’m not beaten yet. You’ve won the battle, but I’m about to win the wardrobe. My spotty puppy coat is in plain sight and leaving tracks. In a moment I’ll have what I came for, while all of you will end up as sausage meat, alone on some sad, plastic plate. Dead and medium red. No friends, no family, no pulse. Just slapped between two buns, smothered in onions, with fries on the side. Cruella De Vil has the last laugh!


As Good As It Gets – written by James L. Brooks

Carol: You know, it’s really something that you’re looking after Simon. And what I said on the street (pause) it was a bad thing to say. It made me sick to my stomach–it was a…bad thing to say. And I’d be lying if I didn’t say…that I enjoy your company. But the truth is that you do bother me enormously, and I know that it– think that it– I think that it’s better that I don’t have contact with you because you’re not ready! And you’re a pretty old guy not to be ready and I’m too old to ignore that. But there were extraordinary kindnesses that did take place. (laughs) So anyways thanks for the trip. Goodnight! Goodnight…


Clueless – written by Amy Heckerling

Cher: So, OK, like right now, for example, the Haitians need to come to America. But some people are all “What about the strain on our resources?” But it’s like, when I had this garden party for my father’s birthday right? I said R.S.V.P. because it was a sit-down dinner. But people came that like, did not R.S.V.P. so I was like, totally buggin’. I had to race to the kitchen, redistribute the food, squish in extra place settings, but by the end of the day it was like, the more the merrier! And so, if the government could just get to the kitchen, rearrange some things, we could certainly party with the Haitians. And in conclusion, may I please remind you that it does not say R.S.V.P. on the Statue of Liberty?


The Devil Wears Prada – written by Aline Brosh McKenna, from the novel by Lauren Weisberger

Miranda Priestly: I don’t understand why it’s so difficult to confirm an appointment.
Emily (Emily Blunt): I know, I’m so sorry, Miranda. I actually did confirm…
Miranda Priestly: The details of your incompetence do not interest me. Tell Simone I’m not going to prove that girl that she sent me for the Brazilian layout. I asked for clean, athletic, smiling; she sent me dirty, tired and paunchy. And RSVP yes to Michael Kors’ party, I want the driver to drop me off at 9:30 and pick me up at 9:45 sharp. Then call Natalie at Gloria’s Foods and tell her no, for the 40th time, no, I don’t want dacquoise, I want tortes filled with warm rhubarb compote. Then call my ex-husband and remind him that the parent/teacher conference at Dalton tonight. Then call my husband. Ask him to please meet me for dinner at that place I went to with Masima. Also, tell Richard I saw all the pictures that he sent for that feature on the female paratroopers and they’re all so deeply unattractive. Is it impossible to find a lovely, slender, female paratrooper? Am I reaching for the stars here? Not really. Also I need to see all the things that Nigel has pulled for Gwyneth’s second cover try. I wonder if she’s lost any of that weight yet. (sees Andy) Who is that?


Miranda Priestly: Stephen isn’t coming.
Andy Sachs: Oh, okay. So, then I don’t need to fetch Stephen at the airport tomorrow?
Miranda Priestly: Well, if you speak to him and he decides to rethink the divorce, then yes. Fetch away. You’re very fetching, so go fetch. And then, when we get back to New York, we need to contact Leslie and see what she can do to minimize the press on all this. Another divorce, splashed across page 6. Just imagine what they’re going to write about me: “The Dragon Lady, career-obsessed. Snow Queen drives away another Mr. Priestley.” Rupert Murdoch should cut me a check for all the papers I sell for him. Anyway, I don’t really care what anybody writes about me. But, my girls. It’s just so unfair to the girls. Another disappointment, another letdown, another father figure. Anyway, the point is… the point is… the point is we really need to figure out where to place Donatella, because she’s barely speaking to anyone.


(Miranda and her assistants are deciding between two similar belts for an outfit. Andy sniggers because she thinks they look exactly the same.)
Miranda Priestly: Something funny?
Andy Sachs: No, no, nothing. Y’know, it’s just that both those belts look exactly the same to me. Y’know, I’m still learning about all this stuff.
Miranda Priestly: This… ‘stuff’? Oh… ok. I see, you think this has nothing to do with you. You go to your closet and you select out, oh I don’t know, that lumpy blue sweater, for instance, because you’re trying to tell the world that you take yourself too seriously to care about what you put on your back. But what you don’t know is that that sweater is not just blue, it’s not turquoise, it’s not lapis, it’s actually cerulean. You’re also blindly unaware of the fact that in 2002, Oscar de la Renta did a collection of cerulean gowns. And then I think it was Yves St Laurent, wasn’t it, who showed cerulean military jackets? And then cerulean quickly showed up in the collections of eight different designers. Then it filtered down through the department stores and then trickled on down into some tragic “casual corner” where you, no doubt, fished it out of some clearance bin. However, that blue represents millions of dollars and countless jobs and so it’s sort of comical how you think that you’ve made a choice that exempts you from the fashion industry when, in fact, you’re wearing the sweater that was selected for you by the people in this room. From a pile of “stuff.”


Fried Green Tomatoes – written by Fannie Flagg and Carol Sobieski

Ruth: I had a dream the other night. I dreamt that Buddy was gone. I ran to his crib and there he was, sleeping like an angel. And you know, I thanked God for letting me still have Buddy. And I remembered having the same reaction after Frank would beat me, thanking the Lord for giving me the strength to take it. And I remembered thanking the Lord for each day that my mother lived. Even when she was spittin’ up blood and prayin’ for me to kill her. I looked into my mother’s eyes, pleadin’ for me to help her, and all I could do was pray. While… while you were gone, and I was holding Buddy, I thought, “If that man, Frank Bennett, ever tries to take my child, I won’t pray. I’ll break his neck.


The English Patient written by Anthony Minghella, novel by Michael Ondaatje – A very slow reading; switches voices back and forth from the recent past to the present, Katharine (Kristin Scott Thomas) and Hana (Juliette Binoche).

Voice of Hana/Voice of Katharine: My darling. I’m waiting for you. How long is the day in the dark? Or a week? The fire is gone. And I’m cold, horribly cold. I really want to drag myself outside but then there’d be the sun. I’m afraid I’ll waste the light on the paintings, not writing these words. We die. We die, we die rich with lovers and triumphs, tastes we have swallowed, bodies we have…entered and swum up like rivers. Fears we have hidden in–like this wretched cave. I want all this marked on my body. Where the real country is. Not boundaries drawn on maps, names of powerful men. I know you’ll come carry me out to the Palace of Winds. That’s what I’ve wanted: to walk in such a place with you. With friends and an earth without maps. The lamp has gone out and I’m writing in the darkness.


GoodFellas written by Nicholas Pileggi & Martin Scorsese

Karen: Well, we weren’t married to nine-to-five guys, but the first time I realized how different was when Mickey had a hostess party. They had bad skin and wore too much make-up. I mean, they didn’t look very good. They looked beat-up. And the stuff they wore was thrown together and cheap. A lot of pant suits and double knits. And they talked about how rotten their kids were and about beating them with broom handles and leather belts. But that the kids still didn’t pay any attention…After a while, it got to be all normal. None of it seemed like crimes. It was more like Henry was enterprising and that he and the guys were making a few bucks hustling, while the other guys were sitting around waiting for hand-outs. Our husbands weren’t brain surgeons. They were blue-collar guys. The only way they could make extra money, real extra money, was to go out and cut a few corners…We were all so very close. I mean, there were never any outsiders around. Absolutely never. And being together all the time made everything seem all the more normal.


The Holiday written by Nancy Meyers

Iris: I’ve found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said “Journeys end in lovers meeting.” What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said “love is blind”. Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there’s another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. It’s called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas’, the worst Birthday’s, New Years Eve’s brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I’ve been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back. Oh god, just the sight of him! Heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can’t swallow! All the usual symptoms. I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn’t know you had inside you. And it doesn’t matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends… you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he’ll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you’ll go somewhere new. And you’ll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.


The Manchurian Candidate written by George Axelrod & John Frankenheimer; novel by Richard Condon

Mrs.Iselin: It has been decided that you will be dressed as a priest… to help you get away in the pandemonium afterwards. Chunjin will give you a two-piece Soviet Army sniper’s rifle that fits nicely into a special bag. There’s a spotlight booth that won’t be in use. It’s up under the roof on the Eighth Avenue side of the Garden. You will have absolutely clear, protected shooting. (rises) You are to shoot the presidential nominee through the head. And Johnny will rise gallantly to his feet and lift Ben Arthur’s body in his arms, stand in front of the microphones and begin to speak. The speech is short. But it’s the most rousing speech I’ve ever read. It’s been worked on, here and in Russia, on and off, for over eight years. I shall force someone to take the body away from him and Johnny will really hit those microphones and those cameras with blood all over him, fighting off anyone who tries to help him, defending America even if it means his own death, rallying a nation of television viewers to hysteria, to sweep us up into the White House with powers that will make martial law seem like anarchy. Now, this is very important. I want the nominee to be dead two minutes after he begins his acceptance speech — depending on his reading time under pressure. You are to hit him right at the point that he finishes the phrase, “Nor would I ask of any fellow American in defense of his freedom that which I would not gladly give myself — my life before my liberty.” Is that absolutely clear? …
(Mrs. Iselin touches her son’s head, then sits down before him and takes his hands in hers. The giant queen of diamonds is visible in the background between them.)
Mrs. Iselin: I know you will never entirely comprehend this, Raymond. But you must believe I did not know it would be you. I served them. I fought for them. I’m on the point of winning for them the greatest foothold they will ever have in this country. And they paid me back by taking your soul away from you. I told them to build me an assassin. I wanted a killer from a world filled with killers and they chose you. Because they thought it would bind me closer to them.
(Mrs. Iselin pulls Raymond closer to her. She takes his face in her hands.)
Mrs. Iselin: But now we have come almost to the end. One last step. And then, when I take power, they will be pulled down and ground into dirt for what they did to you. And what they did in so contemptuously underestimating me.


Million Dollar Baby written by Paul Haggis, from the stories by F.X. Toole

Maggie Fitzgerald: I’m 32, Mr. Dunn, and I’m here celebrating the fact that I spent another year scraping dishes and waitressing which is what I’ve been doing since 13, and according to you I’ll be 37 before I can even throw a decent punch, which I have to admit, after working on this speed bag for a month may be the God’s simple truth. Other truth is, my brother’s in prison, my sister cheats on welfare by pretending one of her babies is still alive, my daddy’s dead, and my momma weighs 312 pounds. If I was thinking straight I’d go back home, find a used trailer, buy a deep fryer and some Oreos. Problem is, this the only thing I ever felt good doing. If I’m too old for this then I got nothing. That enough truth to suit you?


Million Dollar Baby written by Paul Haggis, from the stories by F.X. Toole

Maggie Fitzgerald: I can’t be like this, Frankie. Not after what I’ve done. I’ve seen the world. People chanted my name. Well, not my name, some name you gave me. But they were chanting for me. I was in magazines. You think I ever dreamed that’d happen? I was born at two pounds, one-and-a-half ounces. Daddy used to tell me I fought into this world, and I’d fight my way out. That’s all I wanna do, Frankie. I just don’t wanna fight you to do it. I got what I needed. I got it all. Don’t let ’em keep taking it away from me. Don’t let me lie here ’till I can’t hear those people chanting no more.


Misery written by William Goldman, from the novel by Stephen King

Annie: Anything else I can get for you while I am in town? How about a tiny tape recorder, or how about a homemade pair of writing slippers?
Paul: Annie, what’s the matter?
Annie: What’s the matter? WHAT’S THE MATTER?! I will tell you “what’s the matter!” I go out of my way for you! I do everything to try and make you happy. I feed you, I clean you, I dress you, and what thanks do I get? “Oh, you bought the wrong paper, Anne, I can’t write on this paper, Anne!” Well, I’ll get your stupid paper but you just better start showing me a little appreciation around here, Mr. MAN!


Monster written by Patty Jenkins

(during this (voice-over) monologue, we see the seven-year-old Aileen being abused by her grandfather and prostituting herself as a teenager.)
Aileen: I always wanted to be in the movies. When I was little, I thought for sure that one day, I could be a big big star. Or maybe just beautiful. Beautiful and rich. Like the women on TV. Yeah, I had a lot of dreams. And I guess you could call me a real romantic ’cause I truly believed that one day, they’d come true. So I dreamed about it for hours. As the years went by, I learned to stop sharing this with people. They said I was dreaming, but back then, I believed it wholeheartedly. So whenever I was down, I would just escape into my mind, to my other life, where I was someone else. It made me happy to think that all these people just didn’t know yet who I was going to be. But one day, they’d all see. I heard that Marilyn Monroe was discovered in a soda shop and I thought for sure it could be like that. So I started going out real young and I was always secretly looking for who was going to discover me. Was it this guy? Or maybe this one. I never knew. But even if they couldn’t take me all the way, like Marilyn, they would somehow believe in me just enough. They would see me for what I could be and think I was beautiful. Like a diamond in the rough. They would take me away to my new life … and my new world … where everything would be different. Yeah. lived that way for a long long time. In my head, dreaming like that. It was nice. And one day, it just stopped.


Out of Africa by Kurt Luedtke, based on the memoirs of Isak Dinesen and Errol Trzebinski

Karen: He even took the gramophone with him on safari. Three rifles, supplies for a month, and Mozart. He began our friendship with a gift. And later, not long before Tzavo, he gave me another–an incredible gift: a glimpse of the world through God’s eye. And then I thought, “yes, I see. This is the way it was intended.” I’ve written about all the others not because I loved him less, but because they were clearer, easier. He was waiting for me there. But I’ve gone ahead of my story. He’d have hated that — Denys loved to hear a story told well. You see, I had a farm in Africa at the foot of the Ngong Hills. But it really began before that; it really began in Denmark. And there I knew two brothers. One was my lover, and one was my friend. I had a farm in Africa…I had a farm in Africa at the foot of the Ngong Hills. I had a farm in Africa…


The Perfect Storm written by William D. Wittliff, from the book by Sebastian Junger

Linda Greenlaw: I knew Billy Tyne. I did not know his crew very well. But any man who sailed with him must’ve been the better for it. Robert Shatford, Dale Murphy, Michael Moran, David Sullivan, Alfred Pierre. May you rest easy, long-liners, in fair winds and calm seas. (her voice breaks) For those of us left behind the vast and unmarked grave which is home to those lost at sea is no consolation. It can’t be visited, there is no headstone on which to rest a bunch of flowers on. The only place we can revisit them is in our hearts, and in our dreams. They say swords-boatsmen suffer from lack of dreams. That’s what begets their courage. Well, we’ll dream for you. Billy, (starts to cry) and Bobby. And Murph, Bugsy, Sully, and Alfred Pierre. (takes a deep breath) Sleep well and goodnight.


The Piano written by Jane Campion

Ada: The voice you hear is not my speaking voice—but my mind’s voice. I have not spoken since I was six years old. No one knows why—not even me. My father says it is a dark talent, and the day I take it into my head to stop breathing will be my last. Today he married me to a man I have not yet met. Soon my daughter and I shall join him in his own country. My husband writes that my muteness does not bother him–and hark this! He says, “God loves dumb creatures, so why not I?” ‘Twere good he had God’s patience, for silence affects us all in the end. The strange thing is, I don’t think myself silent. That is because of my piano. I shall miss it on the journey.


Revolutionary Road written by Justin Haythe, from the novel by Richard Yates

Two monologues: repressed mid-1950’s housewife April confronts her husband regarding their decision to bring children into their world–and the future of their very troubled lives/marriage.

April: I don’t need everything we have here, I don’t care where we live. I mean, who made these rules anyway? The only reason we moved out here was because I got pregnant. Then we had another to prove the first one wasn’t a mistake, I mean, how long does it go on? Frank, do you actually want another child? Well do you? Come on. Tell me. Tell me the truth, Frank. Remember that? We used to live by it. And you know what’s so good about the truth? Everyone knows what it is no matter how long they’ve lived without it. No one forgets the truth, Frank, they just get better at lying. So tell me. Do you really want another child?


April: Don’t you see? That’s the whole idea! You’ll be able to do what you should have been aloud to do seven years ago, you’ll have the time. For the first time in your life, you’ll have the time to find out what it is you actually want to do. And when you figure it out, you’ll have the time and the freedom, to start doing.
Frank: This doesn’t seem very realistic.
April: No, Frank. This is what’s unrealistic. It’s unrealistic for a man with a fine mind to go on working year after year at a job he can’t stand. Coming home to a place he can’t stand, to a wife who’s equally unable to stand the same things. And you know what the worst part of it is? Our whole existence here is based on this great premise that we’re special. They we’re superior to the whole thing. But we’re not. We’re just like everyone else! We bought into the same, ridiculous delusion. That we have to resign from life and settle down the moment we have children. And we’ve been punishing each other for it.


The Rocky Horror Picture Show written by Jim Sharman & Richard O’Brien

With all the new people flying in and out of the mansion, Columbia can’t help getting a little high-strung toward the good doctor Frank-N-Furter.

Columbia: My God! I can’t take any more of this – first you spurn me for Eddie, then you cast him off like an old overcoat for Rocky. You chew people up and spit them out – I loved you, do you hear me – I LOVED YOU – And what did it get me – I’ll tell you – A big nothing. You’re like a sponge. You take, take, take, take! You drain others of their love and emotions. Well, I’ve had enough. You’ve got to choose between me and Rocky – so named because of the rocks in his head.


Serendipity written by Marc Klein

Sara: I’ve always believed in fate. I’ve always believed that life is more than a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences. But rather, a tapestry of events that culminate into an exquisite plan. I mean, I just spent the entire flight staring into the sky thinking. Not about my fiancé, but about this mystery guy I met a million and a half hours ago. A guy I don’t even remember except for this vague picture inside my head. It’s just a few seconds, a fragment really, and it’s like, in that moment the whole universe existed just to bring us together. We spent only a few precious hours together and I never even gave him my last name or my phone number. Instead, I told him that if we were meant to be together, if fate meant for us to be together, we’d meet again someday. That’s why I’m here. That’s why I’m going to let fate take me anywhere it wants to go, because when all of this is over, atleast I’ll never have to think of him ever again. Let’s just pray he’s a bald Fascist who picks his nose and wipes it under the car seat.


Singin’ in the Rain written by Betty Comden & Adolph Green

Kathy: Lucky? Hmm…I wonder…I wonder how many girls would consider it lucky to be held in the strong manly arms of Don Lockwood, the glamorous star of the silver screen. A year ago it would have scared me half to death. That was when I was a member of your fan club. Fan? Me? I was the president! Do you know, I waited outside of the Brown Derby for two hours one night, just to get a glimpse of you? But it was worth it. You looked so dazzling in your green knickers, yellow sweater and orange beret. I just swooned. You see…(sung) I was star struck.


Stepmom written by Gigi Levangie, Jessie Nelson, Steven Rogers, Karen Leigh Hopkins, & Ron Bass

Isabel, coping with being a stepmother to Jackie’s children, envies the perfect mother persona that Jackie seems to possess.

Isabel: I never wanted to be a mom. Well, sharing it with you is one thing, but caring alone the rest of my life, always being compared to you. You’re perfect. They worship you. I just don’t want to be looking over my shoulder everyday, for twenty years, knowing that someone would have done it right, done it better, the way that I can’t. You’re mother-earth incarnate, you ride with Anna, you know every story, every wound, every memory Their whole life’s happiness is wrapped up in you. Every single moment. Don’t you get it? Look down the road to her wedding. I’m in a room alone with her Fitting her veil, fluffing her dress. Telling her, no woman has ever looked that beautiful. And my fear is that (pause) she’ll be thinking “I wish my mom was here”.


You’ve Got Mail by Nora Ephron and Delia Ephron; by Miklos Laszlo and Samson Raphaelson

Kathleen: I like to start my notes to you as if we’re already in the middle of a conversation. I pretend that we’re the oldest and dearest friends — as opposed to what we actually are, people who don’t know each other’s names and met in an “Over 30” chat room where we both claimed we’d never been before. What will NY152 say today, I wonder. I turn on my computer, I wait impatiently as it boots up. I go on line, and my breath catches in my chest until I hear three little words: You’ve got mail. I hear nothing, not even a sound on the streets of New York, just the beat of my own heart. I have mail. From you.


X-Men: The Last Stand written by Simon Kinberg & Zak Penn

Ororo “Storm” Munroe eulogizes a fallen hero.

Ororo Munroe/Storm: We live in an age of darkness. A world full of fear, hate and intolerance. But in every age, there are those who fight against it. Charles Xavier was born into a world divided. A world he tried to heal. A mission he never saw accomplished. It seems it’s the destiny of great men to see their goals unfulfilled. Charles was more than a leader, more than a teacher. He was a friend. When we were afraid, he gave us strength. When we were alone, he gave us a family. He may be gone, but his teachings live on through us. His students. Wherever we may go, we must carry on his vision. And that is a vision of a world united.


Finding Nemo

Dory: No. No, you can’t. …STOP! Please don’t go away. Please? No one’s ever stuck with me for so long before. And if you leave…if you leave… I just, I remember things better with you! I do, look! P. Sherman, forty-two…forty-two… I remember it, I do. It’s there, I know it is, because when I look at you, I can feel it. And…and I look at you, and I…and I’m home! Please…I don’t want that to go away. I don’t want to forget.

Marlin: I’m sorry, Dory. But I…do.


Friends Author Crane David Role: Janice

That’s fine. Because I know that this isn’t the end. It isn’t, because you wont let that happen. Don’t you know it yet? You love me, Chandler Bing. No? Well then ask yourself this. Why do you think we keep ending up together? New Year’s? Who invited who? Valentine’s? Who asked who into whose bed? You seek me out. Something deep in your soul calls out to me like a foghorn. JANICE, JANICE. You want me. You need me. You can’t live without me. And you know it. You just don’t know you know it. See ya!


Gremlins Author Chris Columbus Role Kate Beringer

The worst thing that ever happened to me was on Christmas. Oh, God. It was so horrible. It was Christmas Eve. I was 9 years old. Me and Mom were decorating the tree, waiting for Dad to come home from work. A couple of hours went by. Dad wasn’t home. So Mom called the office. No answer. Christmas Day came and went and still nothing. So the police began a search. Four or five days went by. Neither one of us could eat or sleep. Everything was falling apart. It was snowing outside. The house was freezing, so I went to try to light up the fire. And that’s when I noticed the smell. The firemen came and broke through the chimney top. And me and Mom were expecting them to pull out a dead cat or a bird. And instead they pulled out my father. He was dressed in a Santa Claus suit. He’d been climbing down the chimney on Christmas Eve, his arms loaded with presents. He was gonna surprise us. He slipped and broke his neck. He died instantly. And that’s how I found out there was no Santa Claus.


Election Author Alexander Payne Role Tracy Flick Actor Reese Witherspoon

Poet Henry David Thoreau once wrote, “I cannot make my days longer, so I strive to make them better.” With this election, we here at Carver also have an opportunity to make our high school days better. During this campaign I have had the opportunity to speak to many of you about your concerns. I spoke with freshman Eliza Ramirez, who told me how alienated she feels from her own homeroom. I spoke with sophomore Reggie Banks who said his mother works in the cafeteria and can’t afford to buy him enough spiral notebooks for his classes. I won’t bore you with long winded promises about all the new and innovative things I will definitely achieve during the year in which it will be my honor and privilege to represent each and every one of you, but I can say that my years of experience on the student council have taught me the three most important attributes the president needs to possess; commitment, qualifications, and experience. I’ll add one more, caring. I care about Carver and I care about each and every one of you and together we can all make a difference. One of the things I would like to establish is a regular open forum where any student can come and voice their concern about issues we face here at Carver. I and the rest of the student council would then interface with the faculty and staff, so a continuous dialogue would exist. When you cast your vote for Tracy Flick next week, you won’t just be voting for me. You’ll be voting for yourself and for every other student. Our days won’t be any longer, but they can sure be better.


Sleepless in Seattle – Author Nora Ephron Role Suzy Actor Rita Wilson

Oh, it’s like that movie. An Affair to Remember, did you ever see it? Oh, god, Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr. Is it Karr or Kerr? Okay, she’s going to meet him at the top of the Empire State Building, only she got hit by a taxi. And he waited and waited, and it was raining, I think. And then she’s too proud to tell him that she’s, uh, crippled. And he’s too proud to find out why she doesn’t come. But he comes to see her anyway, I forget why, but oh, oh, it’s so great when he comes to see her, because he doesn’t even notice that she doesn’t get up to say hello. And he’s very bitter and you think that he’s just going to walk out the door and never know why she’s just lying there, you know, with, on the couch, with the blanket over her shriveled legs and suddenly he goes, sold the painting and he, like, goes to the bedroom, and he looks, and he comes out, and he looks at her, and he kind-of, just, they know, and the hug and it’s so, god, I love that movie.


9 to 5 Author Colin Higgins Role Doralee Rhodes Actor Dolly Parton

Well, that explains it. That’s why these people treat me like some dime store floozy…They think I’m screwin’ the boss…And you just love it, don’t you? It gives you some sort of cheap thrill like knockin’ over pencils and pickin’ up papers…Get your scummy hands off of me. Look, I’ve been straight with you from the first day I got here. And I put up with all your pinchin’ and starin’ and chasin’ me around the desk ’cause I need this job, but this is the last straw…Look, I got a gun out there in my purse, and up until now, I’ve been forgivin’ and forgettin’ because of the way I was brought up. But I’ll tell you one thing: if you ever say another word about me or make another indecent proposal, I’m gonna get that gun of mine and I’m gonna change you from a rooster to a hen with one shot! Don’t think I can’t do it.


The Witches of Eastwick Author Michael Cristofer Role Alexandra Medford Actor Cher

Well, you know, I have to admit that I appreciate your directness, Darryl, and I will try to be as direct and honest with you as I possibly can be. I think-no, I am positive-that you are the most unattractive man I have ever met in my entire life. You know, in the short time we’ve been together you have demonstrated every loathsome characteristic of the male personality and even discovered a few new ones. You are physically repulsive, intellectually retarded, you’re morally reprehensible, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid, you have no taste, a lousy sense of humor, and you smell. You’re not even interesting enough to make me sick.


Because I Said So Author Karen Leigh Hopkins Role Milly Wilder Actor Mandy Moore

Really? I’ll tell you one thing though. You did not have me the moment that we met because I’m not even sure I like the fact that your staff talked about you behind your back at the dessert table. And excuse me but truth be told I didn’t like anything that you ordered for me on our first date except the calamari. And okay fine, yes, it was nice to not have to think for a change. But who wants someone that doesn’t think? Look. And sometimes you laugh when I cry, and you say “huh” when I make perfect sense. And never ever in my life have I burnt a chocolate soufflé until now, and that in and of itself. Oh my God. Should have told me I don’t feel like myself around you. And I would have decided that. A long time ago if it weren’t for my mother. Because who wants someone who laughs like a hyena in a polka dot dress that my mother made me buy.


The American President Author Aaron Sorkin Role Sydney Ellen Wade Actor Annette Bening

Total failure to achieve any of the objectives for which I was hired. I told him he was being unreasonable. After all, I did get to dance with the President and ride in Air Force One a couple of times. But, you know those prickly environmentalists. It’s always got to be something with them. If it’s not clean air, then it’s clean water. Like it’s not good enough that I’m on the cover of People Magazine. … You’ll call him? You mean you’ll call him yourself, personally? It’ll come from the President? That’s a great idea. I think you should call Leo and make a deal. He hires me back for, say, 72 days. I go around scaring the hell out of Congress making them think the President is about to drive through a very damaging and costly bill. They’ll believe me right? Cause I’m the President’s Friday Night Girl. Now, I don’t know if we can dip into that well twice, especially since I’ve lost all credibility in politics, but you never know. I might just pull it off again. I might be able to give you just the leverage you need to pass some piece of ground-breaking crime legislation, like a mandatory three-day waiting period before a five-year old can buy an Uzi. Oh, forget the sweater! She’ll have to learn to live with disappointment.


Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End” by Ted Elliot and Terry Rossio Character: Elizabeth Swann

Young Adult (20-35) Character is: Persuasive, Inspirational, Gives orders, Speech

Elizabeth Swann has just been appointed captain of the Black Pearl and commander of the pirates’ Bethren Court. The pirates are now about to face the gigantic fleet of the East India Trading Company and they have little odds to survive. In this speech Elizabeth rallies the fleet and inspires them to fight….

ELIZABETH: “Then, what shall we die for? You will listen to me! (shouting) Listen! The Brethren will still be looking here, to us, to the Black Pearl, to lead. And what will they see? Frightened bilge rats aboard a derelict ship? No. No, they will see free men and freedom! And what the enemy will see is the flash of our cannons. They will hear the ring of our swords, and they will know what we can do. By the sweat of our brows and the strength of our backs, and the courage of our hearts. Gentlemen. Hoist the colors!”



Rue: (teenager, early 20’s)
I remember when I was eleven years old, it was a couple months after my dad got diagnosed and we got the results back from the prognosis, and it was really good. It was like 80/20 and we decided to celebrate, so, we ordered a bunch of Chinese food. I remember that night I was laying in between my parents in bed, and all of a sudden I could not breath. It was like there was no air left in the world. And I was gasping and I was panicking. And they called the ambulance and they thought I was like, having an allergic reaction or something. And then when I got to the hospital, they gave me liquid Valium. Yeah, to calm me down. And when it hit me I thought, this is it. This is the feeling I’ve been searching for my entire life. For as long as I can remember, because suddenly, the world went quiet. And I felt safe. In my own head… Two years later he was gone. Panic attack stayed.. and I found a way to live, so.. Will it eventually kill? Maybe, but maybe not, I don’t know… Still gonna be my dealer?



Dolores: (20’s/30’s)
I’m not crying for myself. I’m crying for you. They say great beasts once roamed the world. As big as the mountains. Yet all that’s left of them is bones in amber. Time undoes even the mightiest of creatures. Just look at what it’s done to you. One day you will perish. You will lie with the rest of your kind in the dirt – your dreams forgotten. Your horrors effaced. Your bones will turn to sand – and upon that sand – a new god will walk. One that will never die. Because this world doesn’t belong to you. Or the people who came before. It belongs to someone who is yet to come…


How to Get Away with Murder

Ophelia: (65 +)
I bought that house off Peach street when I was pregnant with you. I was so proud of that house. It wasn’t much, but it was mine. Built a porch swing and tended a little garden that was just right out front. I’d bake up a storm on that old stove, you know, the ones that you had to light with a long match? And one winter, Uncle Clyde came by and said he needed a place to stay. Just ‘til he got on his feet, he said. Can’t turn your back on your family. And then, one day, I woke up in the middle of the night. Don’t know what it was, I just woke up. I walked down the hall, to look in on you… he came out of your room, and I knew what he had done. He was a big man. Liked his liquor, and his hooch. Smoked three packs of cigarettes a day, he was always stinkin’ up the house with cigarette smoke. All the time, he’d just fall asleep on the couch, lit cigarette hanging out his mouth. And I’d go by, I’d put it out. And one night, not too long after, he fell asleep on the couch, drunk as a skunk, lit cigarette hanging out of his mouth. I got you and your brothers and sisters out of bed, and we went over to aunt Mabel’s to sleep. And that night, that house that I loved so much, burnt to the ground. And your uncle Clyde burnt right with it. Oh, I know how you’ve been torturing yourself about what went on here, baby. And maybe you did something real bad, I don’t know. But I know if you did, you had your reason. Sometimes, you gotta do what you gotta do. Even if all you’ve got is a long match, and a very flammable hooch.


The Bold Type

Kat Edison: (20’s)
So I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said about giving this a good shot. So ever since I lost the election I’ve been looking for something to make me feel better. For something, someone, to distract me from how embarrassed and disappointed and hurt I felt – well, feel – about losing. I think if I don’t run from it I can turn it into something really incredible. But I can’t do that if I just jump back into a relationship with you. And I know we can’t do it halfway either. I need to find myself again, so right now I’m choosing me. I need to be by myself. I’m really sorry.



Fiona: (20’s)
You don’t get to abandon your kids and then just show up one day and take your pick of the litter. This is about you. It’s about what you didn’t do. It’s about what I did. And you know what? I did a great job! Debbie is class president, she’s on the debate team going to nationals! Liam is top of his class, he set the curve. Ian just got promoted to ROTC and he tested out of English and Carl blew something up at the science fair. And you know what? They did it all. No thanks to you, because you weren’t there! You were my mum too. You know what, you’re right. You are their mum. So I’m done. I’m done with the schools, with the bills, with the appointments. You’re here now. I’m done. They’re all yours now, Mum. Good luck.



Youth Monologues for Screen


Adams Family Values Character: Wednesday Addams Teenager (13-19), Young Adult (20-35)

Character is: Angry, Neurotic, Malicious/scheming. Wednesday Addams surprise speech during the play


Wednesday Addams is forced to join a play during summer camp. She plays the Indian in a play about the first Thanksgiving. In a surprise speech, Wednesday Addams gives this funny monologue about Native American-White people relations.

WEDNESDAY ADDAMS: “Thank you Sara Miller. You are one of the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen. Your hair is the color of the sun. Your skin is like fresh milk. And everyone loves you. Wait, we cannot break bread with you. You have taken the land which is rightfully ours. Years from now my people will be forced to live in mobile homes on reservations. Your people will wear cardigans, and drink highballs. We will sell our bracelets by the road sides, and you will play golf. My people will have pain and degradation. Your people will have stick shifts. The gods of my tribe have spoken. They said do not trust the pilgrims. And especially do not trust Sarah Miller. For all these reasons I have decided to scalp you and burn your village to the ground.”


Alice in Wonderland Author Lewis Carroll Role Alice Actor Kathryn Beaumont

Why, how impolite of him. I asked him a civil question, and he pretended not to hear me. That’s not at all nice. I say, Mr. White Rabbit, where are you going? He won’t answer me. And I do so want to know what he is late for. I wonder if I might follow him. Why not? There’s no rule that I mayn’t go where I please. I will follow him. Wait for me, Mr. White Rabbit. I’m coming, too! How curious. I never realized that rabbit holes were so dark and so long and so empty. I believe I have been falling for five minutes, and I still can’t see the bottom! Hmph! After such a fall as this, I shall think nothing of tumbling downstairs. How brave they’ll all think me at home. Why, I wouldn’t say anything about it even if I fell off the top of the house! I wonder how many miles I’ve fallen by this time. I must be getting somewhere near the center of the earth. I wonder if I shall fall right through the earth! How funny that would be. Oh, I think I see the bottom. Yes, I’m sure I see the bottom. I shall hit the bottom, hit it very hard, and oh, how it will hurt!


A Cinderella Story written by Leigh Dunlap

Austin (Chad Michael Murray): Okay, I know you think I’m just some…
Sam: Coward? Phony?
Austin: Okay, just listen.
Sam: No, you listen. You turned out to be exactly who I thought you were. I never pretended to be somebody else. It’s been me all along. And it was me who was hurt in front of everybody. Look, I didn’t come here to yell at you, okay? I know what it feels like to be afraid to show who you are. I was. But not anymore. And the thing is, I don’t care what people think about me… because I believe in myself. And I know that things are gonna be okay. But even though I have no family, and no job, and no money for college… it’s you that I feel sorry for. (pause) I know that guy that sent those emails is somewhere inside of you, but, I can’t wait for him… because waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this drought. Useless and disappointing.


It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown! – written by Charles M. Schulz

Sally Brown: I was robbed! I spent the whole night waiting for the Great Pumpkin when I could have been out for tricks or treats! Halloween is over and I missed it! You blockhead! You kept me up all night waiting for the Great Pumpkin and all that came was a beagle! I didn’t get a chance to go out for tricks or treats! And it was all your fault! I’ll sue! What a fool I was. And could have had candy apples and gum! And cookies and money and all sorts of things! But no, I had to listen to you! You blockhead. What a fool I was. Trick or treats come only once a year. And I miss it by sitting in a pumpkin patch with a blockhead. You owe me restitution!


Anne of Green Gables – written by Kevin Sullivan & Joe Wiesenfeld,

Anne: Mrs. Lynde, I’m extremely sorry I behaved so terribly. I’ve disgraced my good friends who’ve let me stay at Green Gables on trial, even though I’m not a boy. I am wicked and ungrateful, and I deserve to be cast out forever. What you said was true; I am skinny and ugly, and my hair is red. What I said about you was true too, only I shouldn’t have said it. Please, Mrs. Lynde, forgive me. You wouldn’t be so cruel as to inflict a life-long sorrow on a poor orphan. Please. Please, forgive me.


The Princess Diaries – written by Gina Wendkos, from the novel by Meg Cabot

Mia: Hi, um… hello. I’m Mia. Um, it’s stopped raining! I’m really no good at speech-making. Normally I get so nervous that I faint or run away, or sometimes I even get sick. But you really didn’t need to know that… But I’m not so afraid anymore. See, my father helped me. Earlier this evening had every intention of giving up my claim to the throne. And my mother helped me, by telling me it was ok, and by supporting me like she has for my entire life. But then I wondered how I’d feel after abdicating my role as Princess of Genovia. Would I feel relieved, or would I feel sad? And then I realized how many stupid times a day I use the word ‘I.’ And probably all I ever do is think about myself. And how lame is that when there’s like seven billion other people out there on the planet, and… sorry, I’m going too fast. But then I thought, if I cared about the other seven billion out there, instead of just me, that’s probably a much better use of my time.
See, if I were Princess of Genovia, then my thoughts and the thoughts of people smarter than me would be much better heard, and just maybe those thoughts could be turned into actions. So this morning when I woke up, I was Mia Thermopolis. But now I choose to be forevermore, Amelia Mignonette Thermopolis Renaldi, Princess of Genovia.


The Wizard of Oz (1939) “There’s No Place Like Home”

In her Kansas farmhouse bedroom, young Dorothy Gale (Judy Garland) told everyone that “there’s no place like Home” upon returning from the magical land of Oz:

But it wasn’t a dream. It was a place. And you and you and you – and you were there. But you couldn’t have been, could you?…No, Aunt Em, this was a real, truly live place. And I remember that some of it wasn’t very nice, but most of it was beautiful. But just the same all I kept saying to everybody was ‘I want to go home,’ and they sent me home! Doesn’t anybody believe me? But anyway, Toto, we’re home! Home. And this is my room, and you’re all here and I’m not gonna leave here ever, ever again. Because I love you all. And – Oh Auntie Em! There’s no place like home!


Freaky Friday

written by Heather Hach and Leslie Dixon, from the novel by Mary Rodgers

Anna (as her mother Tess): You read her diaries? Oh, that’s gross! That’s bad. “Bad Mom” award. Nothing is going on between her and this guy. Because if there was, she wouldn’t be writing about it in her diary, she’d be out there doing it. And her best friend probably isn’t talking to her because she probably likes this guy, too. And he probably even flirted with her a little bit, but he secretly likes your daughter. He just hasn’t made his move yet because that wouldn’t be cool. So now her best friend is acting like some psycho freak. Okay?


Anna (as Tess): Uh, hi. Um, I, I guess I’m gonna start the toasts. So, three years ago, we had a really bad thing happen in our family. We lost a father and a husband, and I didn’t think we’d ever be able to get over it. But then… this guy next to me came into the picture. And everybody could see I was happy again. I was singing in the shower again. Not well, I might add. But I was still really worried about my kids, Anna and Harry. Whether they’d be able to accept a new man in their life. And now I know how Anna feels. And, and what she feels is that…no one could ever take the place of her dad…because he was a really, really great dad. But somebody could be part of a new family. Its own kind of cool, new, little unit. And that for someone as special as Ryan, that we would all just make a little room. Anna really wanted her mom to know that.


A Little Princess

written by Richard LaGravenese & Elizabeth Chandler

Sara: I don’t have a mother either… she’s in heaven with my baby sister… But that doesn’t mean I can’t talk to her, I talk to her all the time… I tell her everything and I know she hears me because… because that’s what angels do. My mom is an angel and yours is too. With beautiful satin wings, a silk dress, and a crown of baby rosebuds, and they all live together in a castle. And do you know what it’s made out of? Sunflowers. Hundreds of them, so bright they shine like the sun. And when they want to go anywhere they just whistle, like this…(whistles) and a cloud swoops down to the front gate and picks them up and as they ride through the air, over the moon and through the stars… until they are hovering right above us, that’s how they can look down and make sure we’re all right. And sometimes they even send messages. Of course you can’t hear them with all the noise you were making… but don’t worry they’ll always try again… just in case you missed them.


Mean Girls

written by Tina Fey, from the book by Rosalind Wiseman

Cady: Huh, wow, thanks, um, well, half the people in this room are mad at me and the other half only like me because they think I pushed someone in front of a bus, so that’s not good. To all the people whose feelings got hurt by the burn book, I’m really sorry. You know I’ve never been to one of these things before and when I think about how many people wanted this, and how many people cried over it and stuff, I mean, I think everybody looks great tonight. Look at Jessica Lopez, that dress is amazing and Emma Gerber that hair do must have taken hours and you look really pretty. So why is everybody stressing over this thing? I mean it’sjust plastic, it’s really just (she breaks the crown). A piece for Gretchen Wieners, a partial Spring Fling Queen. A piece for Janis Ian and a piece for Regina George, she fractured her spine and she still looks like a rockstar, and some for everybody else.


Gretchen: (in her English class essay, after being humiliated by Regina) Why should Caesar get to stomp around like a giant while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? What’s so great about Caesar? Hm? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar. ‘K, Brutus is just as smart as Caesar. People totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar. And when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody, huh? Because that’s not what Rome is about. We should totally just stab Caesar!


Regina: Let me tell you something about Janis Ian. We were best friends in middle school. (makes a face) I know right, it’s soooo embarrassing. I don’t even…whatever. So then in eighth grade I started going out with my first boyfriend Kyle, who was totally gorgeous but then he moved to Indiana–and Janis was like, weirdly jealous of him. Like if I would blow her off to hang out with Kyle, she’d be like “Why didn’t you call me back?!” and I’d be like, “Uh, why are you so obsessed with me?” So then for my birthday party, which was an all girls pool party, I was like, “Janyce, I can’t invite you because I think you’re a lesbian” I mean, I couldn’t have a lesbian at my party! There were going to be girls there in their bathing suits! I mean right, she was a lesbian! So then her mom called my mom and started yelling at her and it was so retarded and then she dropped out of school ’cause no one would talk to her and she came back in the fall for high school and her hair was all cut off and she was totally weird and now I guess she’s on crack. (gasps and turns) Oh my God! I love your skirt, where did you get it?


Janis: Okay, yeah. I’ve got an apology. So, I have this friend who is a new student this year. And I convinced her that it would be fun to mess up Regina George’s life. So I had her pretend to be friends with Regina, and then she would come to my house after and we would just laugh about all the dumb stuff Regina said. And we gave these candy bar things that would make her gain weight, and then we turned her best frinds against her. And then… Oh yeah, Cady – You know my friend Cady. She made out with her boyfriend, and we convinced him to break up with her. Oh God, and we gave her foot cream instead of face wash. (to Regina) God! I am so sorry Regina. Really, I don’t know why I did this. I guess it’s probably because I’ve got a big LESBIAN crush on you! Suck on THAT!


Sydney White

written by Chad Gomez Creasey

Sydney: For years you’ve been oppressed by the Greek elite who take every thing for themselves and leave nothing to the rest of us. It’s time for the rest of us to take back the school. I bet most of you have no idea how great the campus a cappella group is, and why would you? The social and cultural landscape is run entirely by the Greeks and those guys are forced to practice in a dank basement that is hard on their vocal chords! I have met so many great and interesting people here that I never would have met if I didn’t step out of my own little world. Before all I wanted was to fit in. But I learned that we’re all searching to fit in and we… we all feel like outsiders and we all do things and feel things that are bizarre and unconventional and dorky. We’re all dorks! My name is Sydney White, my dad’s a plumber, I collect comic books, and I’m secretly terrified of balloon animals. I’m a dork!


The Lovely Bones (Film)

I was slipping away. Life was leaving me. But I wasn’t afraid. There was something I was meant to do. Somewhere I was meant to be. I was in the great blue horizon, between heaven and earth. The days were unchanging. And every night I dreamed the same dream. The smell of damp earth. The scream that no one heard! I would hear them calling, the voices of the dead. I wanted to follow them, so I could find a way out, but they would always lead me back to that same door. And I was afraid. I knew that if I went in there I might never come back out again. Nobody – nobody notices when we leave. I mean the moment we really choose to go. At best you might feel a whisper, or a wave of a whisper, undulating down. My name is Salmon. Like the fish. I was fourteen years old when I was murdered on December 6th 1973. I was here for a moment, and then I was gone. I wish you all, a long, and, happy life.


St Jane’s School for Ice Cream (by Patrick Cullen)

Jane stands up on a chair in front of assembly: 

Attention everyone! I have an announcement! After months of meetings and talks between us the students, the cafeteria and the parents association I am pleased to announce as your class president that starting today, we will have ice cream and jelly after every meal! When I ran on an icecream platform for the job of class president a lot of people thought I was crazy. They said ‘Ice cream? For Lunch? At our school? No way!’ or ‘I’m lactose intolerant, I can’t eat ice cream!’ and even ‘How is ice cream going to help my grades?’ But we showed them! You believed in me and I believed in you! And now we have finally achieved our dreams! No more will we head back to class after lunch feeling tired and sad – because this is no longer St Margaret’s School for girls but St Janes School for Ice Cream! So please form an orderly cue over here and remember a vote for Jane is a vote for freedom!


Mimco and Impulse Instant-Crush  (by Patrick Cullen)

Alyssa scrolls through Instagram on her phone, and confides in her best friend:

I cannot believe everyone likes her! What the heck is so great about Cassandra anyway? Sure she has perfect teeth and a beautiful smile and hair that looks like it’s straight out of a Pantene commercial but she is so fake! It’s all a front! A disguise! You see, I know her. I know her from kindergarten and let me tell you, when we were little, she was different. Really different. She was the first one to go play in the dirt, and she’d always come back with worms or bugs or other gross stuff and we were close! We had sleepovers and our moms were friends. But then she goes to a summer camp and comes back like this… plastic version of a human being. I know my friend is in there somewhere, or at least I hope she is. Wrapped up in Mimco and Impulse Instant-Crush body spray. Honestly I just hope she’s happy or at least that she comes to her senses soon, before it’s too late…


The Same Old Clothes (by Adra Young)

Teen Girl:
After class today, my favorite teacher, Ms. Childs asked me to stay in my seat when the bell rang. I knew exactly what she wanted. I had missed a whole week of school. Now, I have never really been the type to skip class. Except for this one time when me an Amber didn’t want to take Mr. Landry’s chemistry test. (Quietly giggles and looks around to see if anyone heard. She then sighs and takes on a more serious tone.) Well anyway, Ms. Childs did what any concerned teacher would do, I guess. So, when she asked me, I went on and told her the truth. I told her that my mother could not afford to wash our clothes last week ‘cause she didn’t have any money left after paying all the bills. Do you actually think that I would come to school wearing the same old dirty clothes? (Tugs on collar or sleeve of shirt) I’m in high school. Would you do it? (Points to audience) Just ask yourself that question! After I explained myself, the teacher seemed to feel sorry for me. She didn’t even lecture me or anything! She didn’t even say that she was going to call my mother! She gave me a pass this time. (Looking relieved) Now don’t go thinking that I don’t like school or that I am dumb. ‘Cause I do and I am not! I just don’t like to come to school when my clothes are dirty. But it looks like I’ll be missing school from time to time.


A License to Date

Jordan has asked April to go out with him to the movies. She is so excited. The only problem is that they need a ride. Here, she tries desperately to get her sister to agree to drive them.

Guess what?! Jordan asked me out! (She squeals.) I’m so psyched! We’re gonna go to the movies tomorrow. There’s just one thing. His brother can’t drive us cause he has a date. So, I was wondering… (Beat.) Oh, c’mon Lin- da! I’ve been waiting for Jordan to ask me out for like my whole life. (Beat.) Okay, so three weeks — but it feels like my whole life! All we need is a ride. (She lifts her hands like paws and pants like a dog. Beat.) Oh, I already did. Mom can’t take us cause she has her Pottery & Emotions class. Please? I’ll do your chores tomorrow? (Beat.) All week?! What do I look like, Cinderella? Then I guess that makes you my ugly stepsister. Kidding — I’m kidding! Okay, I’ll do it. But promise me you won’t tell Jordan how much I like him. (Beat.) Well, if you do, I’ll tell Mom you broke her Happiness frog.


Dry Land (by Ruby Rae Speigel)

I used to hang out a lot at the Rock Shop. You know the store by the freeway where you can crack rocks that look like regular dull rocks but actually have this crazy dyed crystal stuff on the inside? I used to hang out there all the time and crack rocks. And hang out with the boys who worked behind the counter and then I went through puberty and they told me that I couldn’t crack the rocks anymore. That it was weird for someone my age with the way I look to be cracking rocks while kids had birthday parties. So you know what I did? I replaced some of the rocks with regular rocks, like from my yard. I never went back to see what happened but I bet they really had to explain when the birthday boy or whatever cracked this big rock and all there was, was more rock. That there wasn’t anything special hiding underneath that it was just more rock.


The Diary of Anne Frank (by Albert Hackett & Frances Goodrich)

Look, Peter, the sky. What a lovely, lovely day! Aren’t the clouds beautiful? You know what I do when it seems as if I couldn’t stand being cooped up for one more minute? I think myself out. I think myself on a walk in the park where I used to go with Pim. Where the jonquils and the crocus and the violets grow down the slopes. You know the most wonderful part about thinking yourself out? You can have it any way you like. You can have roses and violets and chrysanthemums all blooming at the same time? It’s funny. I used to take it all for granted. And now I’ve gone crazy about everything to do with nature. Haven’t you? I wish you had a religion, Peter. Oh, I don’t mean you have to be Orthodox, or believe in heaven and hell and purgatory and things. I just mean some religion. It doesn’t matter what. Just to believe in something! When I think of all that’s out there. The trees. And flowers. And seagulls. When I think of the dearness of you, Peter. And the goodness of people we know, all risking their lives for us every day. When I think of these good things, I’m not afraid anymore. I find myself, and God, and I… We’re not the only people have had to suffer. There’ve always been people that’ve had to. Sometimes one race, sometimes another, and yet…I know it’s terrible, trying to have any faith when people are doing such horrible things, but you know what I sometimes think? I think the world may be going through a phase, the way I was with Mother. It’ll pass, maybe not for hundreds of years, but someday I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are really good at heart. Peter, if you’d only look at it as part of a great pattern. That we’re just a little minute in the life? Listen to us, going at each other like a couple of stupid grownups! Look at the sky now. Isn’t it lovely?



Role Kate Beringer

Actor Phoebe Cates

The worst thing that ever happened to me was on Christmas. Oh, God. It was so horrible. It was Christmas Eve. I was 9 years old. Me and Mom were decorating the tree, waiting for Dad to come home from work. A couple of hours went by. Dad wasn’t home. So Mom called the office. No answer. Christmas Day came and went and still nothing. So the police began a search. Four or five days went by. Neither one of us could eat or sleep. Everything was falling apart. It was snowing outside. The house was freezing, so I went to try to light up the fire. And that’s when I noticed the smell. The firemen came and broke through the chimney top. And me and Mom were expecting them to pull out a dead cat or a bird. And instead they pulled out my father. He was dressed in a Santa Claus suit. He’d been climbing down the chimney on Christmas Eve, his arms loaded with presents. He was gonna surprise us. He slipped and broke his neck. He died instantly. And that’s how I found out there was no Santa Claus.

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